Self-definition

I define me
by the gravity of my needs
and also by the self-forces
to which I take heed:
such as my compulsion to serve,
my inclination to mentally dissect,
my creative penchant,
and my determination for success.
But most importantly,
my beliefs and faith in the Divine
are the beginning and the ending to
how and why I self-define.
© 2007 Patricia B.

Necessary concepts.

To achieve lasting literature, fictional or factual, a writer needs perceptive vision, absorptive capacity, and creative strength.
Lawrence Clark Powell (emphasis mine)

I think the same goes for poetry too. At any rate, I've been striving for all three without ever really conceptualizing my aims as a writer - until this morning.

And so I'd like to thank the good people at Google who decided it was a good idea to add the brainyquotes feed to the webclips section of my account! If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have probably come across this - never even knew this man existed until I saw another one of his quotes at the top of my page when I logged in:

Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow. - LCP

And that's what I do.

To my heroes.

This one is for you:
For those who stand with clarity
While all around you falter, confounded.
For those who emanate peace and understanding -
This one is for you.
For those who know the secret to love
that all else searches for -
Who attracts others with the glow
from that sweet love of humanity
that you've somehow acquired -
This one is for you.
For those who inspire others with wisdom and
Walk a hard road shod with courage.
Who knows the way to destiny,
And gives the directions to others frequently -
This one is for you.
You, who effortlessly are the paradigm
We strive to follow.
Who by virtue of who you are
Inspire generations and mold actions.
For those who utter the words
to which others cling -
This one is for you.
For those who strive for more
Despite success already achieved,
Who knows that in the light of God's grace
that life is a process meant to be filled with progress.
Because you inspire me so,
This one is for you.
I hope you like it.
(I really do.)
© 2007 Patricia B.

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A few weeks ago, I had a dream that I was entering step 2 of the pursuit of my writing career: performing my work. The fact that performing is important to my writing may not make sense, but it is important - for it is an important way to share the things I write, to promote myself and my work. It is also something that I am still currently VERY NERVOUS about doing. I have never read any of my poetry or other written pieces aloud for a captive audience (apart from anything I've ever done for a creative writing or English class).

So in this dream I had a few weeks ago I was conquering step 2. The piece I performed in this dream approximates the poem above. (As soon as I woke up I grabbed my journal and started scribbling whatever I could remember from it.) The poem that I use to conquer my fear and reach a goal in my dream is about my heroes - I don't know quite what that means, but I'm sure some meaning can be culled from that.

The dream itself ended by me saying the last two lines of the poem above. I'm not sure if that was really supposed to be in the poem as I dreamed it, or if it was just a mere expression of hope that the audience liked my poem. It was probably both. I'll never know if the audience in my dream liked my poem, but I do hope you like it. I really do.

The return

I'm just having a moment, sitting in the corner, crying, contemplating why I've found myself back here again. As much as I've fought to get away from this place the road I've traveled has only brought me back. It's a vicious cycle. And as my life rolls on this wheel just turns and turns and it's brought me back to a place I know too well. I could probably draw a map of the ins and the outs and the pain to be found only here. There just seems to be no getting away. Although they keep flowing the tears don't seem to help, but I'm hoping that contemplation will, to help me see where I went wrong, what to look for, where not to go - because I'm gonna leave this place once again and I will not come back!
© 2007 Patricia B.

In gratitude.

I'm thankful for:
my family
my friends
my general health
my access to health services
my mother
my mother's house
my room
my clothes, which are now all over my room
my shoes, which are now all over the floor in my room
my sense of style
my good sense
my intelligence
my creative ability
my developing legal mind
my developing writing talent
my success
my potential
my brown skin
my curly hair
my astigmatic and myopic pair of eyes
my bouncy and perky pair of D's
my love for my body
my love for myself
my countries (US & Jamaica)
my confidence
my insecurities
my resilience
my mistakes
my ability to learn from mistakes
my possibilities
my Lord, through whom all things are possible.

© 2007 Patricia B.
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I think on a day like today, it's good to reflect on all the blessings you've been given, and everyday is a good day to give thanks and praise.

Unstable.

Before leaving for work today I caught the first 10 minutes of The View, who introduced comedian Sherri Shepherd as their new co-host (YAY! I like her on the show). I'm glad I caught it, because even though she has been on that show as a temporary co-host many times, today was the day they officially introduced her and showed a segment about her background, how she got into comedy etc. It's a pretty cool story - one that involves a huge leap of faith which clearly is working out for her - and she said something that struck a chord with me...

So she was a legal secretary out in Beverly Hills when she was thinking of going into comedy and did a few shows here and there - but wasn't sure if she should go into it with full force because being a comic is so unstable - but then someone reminded her: "if it was about stability, then you wouldn't have faith."

So true!! I think I needed to hear that this morning. I can't be scared of what can be or what will be, because there is no real way to guarantee an outcome. You just never know. I can't let fear or the unknown stop me from going after what I want.

If life was about stability, then I wouldn't need faith.

(And in case you didn't know, this blog in a way has been all about me stepping out on faith. I am going after my writing career. You can call this step 1.)

Inevitable

I'm being pulled in a particular direction that I welcome, but I dread.
All these signs have appeared, and they tell me
that a commotion is near.
And since I like to face facts and take on my fears
I know that I'll have no choice but to
Roll with the punches
Persist through the strife
Subsist with the pressure
And grow, despite the struggle.

© 2007 Patricia B.

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Ugh. I'm in my fourth and final year of law school (four because I've attended part time - law school is usually three years) and I was just sitting here thinking about what that means: the bar exam is near!!!! Thoughts about that madness are what inspired the above poem. I had to let out the anxiety that just swept through me thinking about the bane of my Summer 2008. I can't wait until the last week of next July! (The bar exam is usually given during the 3rd week of July.)

My pain inspires so much of my writing.