Tricia writes...

Transitioning

2008-12-07T11:49:00.002-05:00

Change is inevitable. As such, the way I view my literary pursuit has changed and as a result - I won't be writing in this blog anymore. I'll still be writing, and if you want to keep up, please visit my new blog: Tricianess. My intent is for the blog to be conceptual combo of this blog and Tricia says so if you've enjoyed reading this blog, you might enjoy what you find on my new venture. Read the first post here. And thank you for reading!

Men!

2008-12-06T02:05:00.004-05:00

I love men.
I love a man with big broad shoulders and strong arms-
I love a man with not-so-broad shoulders and not-so-strong arms but can still knock this broad off her feet - no problem-
I love a man with confidence-
I love a man with insecurities-
I love a man confident enough to show his insecurities-
I love to make a man feel good in the ways only a man can feel good-
I love to make a man feel good in the ways anybody can feel good-
I love making love to a man -
I love f*cking a man -
I love the differences between me and a man:
I love how the differences frustrate me
I love how the differences excite me
I love how the differences feel to me - they fulfill me .
I love when a man makes me feel good-
I love when I have to show a man how to make me feel good - and he doesn't mind-
I love when a man shares their mind with me-
I love when a man shares their soul with me - their spirit with me-
I love when a man shares their body with me - short or tall, big or small
I love a man with bright eyes and full lips-
I love a man with piercing eyes and small lips-
I love a man who loves to take me by the hips and kiss me-
I love a man who knows how to kiss me-
I love a man who pays attention and never misses the important days-
I love a man who is consistently wonderful - Sunday to Saturday -
I love a man who isn't afraid to go after what they want-
I love a man who takes risks-
I love a man who knows when not be risky-
I love a man who uplifts me-
I love a man who teaches me-
I love a man who challenges to the point it drives me crazy-
I love a man who forces me to grow-
I love a man who makes me want to grow-
I love a man who loves to learn-
I love a man who handles his business and is not concerned about how much I earn-
I love a man who respects me-
I love a man who treats me like royalty-
I love a man who only deserves the royal treatment-
I love a man who I can trust with my secrets-
I love a man who can understands when I just can't deal-
I love a man who, with a word or a touch or a kiss - can heal...
I love a man who speaks, touches and kisses me sincerely-
I just love men... so dearly...

---

So I wrote this poem over a year ago - originally posted in my very first post. I was thinking today about how much I really do enjoy men - and came across a number of cuties as I went out and about my business (especially this one light-skinned hazel-eyed fella I eye-flirted with while trying to get on the crowded 2 train. Beautiful!) Thinking about all that male beauty and watching the youTube clip on Common's blog of him dancing to a remix to Universal Mind Control (he is so yummy!) I just felt inspired to re-read and re-post this one.

Shout out to my future husband. I will be so good to you!

the sweet goodness of my life:

2008-12-02T00:17:00.002-05:00

it's syrupy sweet
my footsteps sticky as I walk down the street
because it drips from my pores
pouring from my soul
in abundance
because the abundance
of goodness of my life
its a marvel that I even feel any strife
for my spirit buzzes like a honeybee's hive
for the glory and the magic that it is to be alive
and to walk in this life with my steps bound and
slowed down by syrupy love
in a hail of candied joy
showering down from Above.

---
I had the most intense prayer - and this is what resulted. Crazy. But for a reason.

Just A Thought (On Talent)

2008-11-24T23:21:00.003-05:00

Talent is not so much about your God given ability
More so about your drive,
and having the opportunity
To put your gift to good use -
Your willingness to work hard
And follow through,
And the strength of your belief
That changing the world with your talent
Is what you were put here to do.

© 2008 Patricia B.

---

Ever since Friday the 14th, at about 530 in the evening, I've been thinking about just what I was put here to do. You see - I failed the bar exam in July - and at the moment I found out I failed, I questioned my decision to take it in the first place and the decision I made back in college to start the journey towards becoming an attorney. I love to write - I live to write and as of late, I write to live. I love words. And I am passionate about helping people and "changing the world." All of that doesn't necessarily mean I need to be an attorney - but it sure helps. I questioned my decision the moment I found out my result but then I shut that question down - I just don't believe, I KNOW what I was meant to do and I also know that my impact on the world won't be dealt with a singular blow.

So I'm taking the bar exam in February. I deemed today to be the day I'd really head into my studies with full force - but it didn't happen. I bought a new handbag from Daffy's and contemplated my talents, and my drive, and my need for success.

Here's the quote that helped me start my day and will be on my mind as I focus on studying tomorrow:

The only thing that separates successful people from the ones who aren't is the willingness to work very, very hard.
-- Helen Gurley Brown

The Fire Inside

2008-11-05T21:37:00.006-05:00

Burn brightly if in the midst of the cold dark night.
The light source you'll ever need is within you -
Being constantly renewed
By your life source
And your life's force is driven forth
By your internal illumination.
But many of us choose not to guide our paths with this light.
We think it best not to shine bright
But to glimmer, if at all, dimly
And to seek the radiance that abounds from another.
Lamely, many of us ignore our luminance potential
And some of us are taught that we don't shine at all
And learn to ignore the spark we might feel on occasion.
But luminescence resides in us all, with the power
To brighten the entire world with its resonance.
It's why you'll often find that one man can lead a great nation -
He has allowed his light to shine
And pierce through the darkness that seeks to snuff out his inner flame
And brighten the eyesight of those in the shadows
And to bring the fire to spark the flameless wicks of others.
If one man can illuminate a nation with his singular radiance
Imagine the combined power of our light multiplied!
The cold dark nights would still come, as they may
But your force won't be frozen
Your sight wont be blinded
If you tap into the fire inside
And shine.

© 2008 Patricia B.

---
I wrote this on October 30 - one week ago, when I and everyone else was merely hopeful about the results of the election. I'm so very very glad that the poem fits the outcome and I hope it fits the future of our country.

My Originality:

2008-10-13T21:09:00.007-04:00

We were each uniquely made, fearfully and wonderfully by the Creator.
We each have a unique set of talents and gifts provided by God,
With our own unique physical structure
Which include a pair of unique feet
With which we walk on our own unique paths.
In our uniqueness we are the same:
We all have something that makes us distinct somehow
But what makes me an original are not my distinguishable features
But my ability to recognize just what makes me distinct,
My love for my individual character and
My respect and admiration for the diversity of others.

---

So I was reading the great Afrobella's blog just now and saw she and a company called Ododo Originals are doing a giveaway for this fabulous hair clip. Isn't it pretty? I love the color and (what appears to be) beading. It's lovely - and of the wide variety of colors available in this hair clip, this "Morning, Sunshine" and "Imperial" are my favorites!

So for the giveaway, they asked Afrobella readers to submit an answer in some form to the question "What makes you an original?" The above was my response. I don't know if it'll be a winner but I like it.

It's an interesting question. What makes someone an original? In thinking about my response and looking at all the other answers - most of which included something about responder's lovely natural hair, interestingly enough - I was reminded of a pretty obvious yet I think largely overlooked truth: everyone's an individual. We all have a number of things about ourselves that make us stand out - whether readily perceptible or not. So in the most basic sense of originality, we're all originals - and thus the question of what exactly makes one an original isn't an easy one to answer genuinely - at least for me. I could have talked about my lovely natural hair or my beautiful brown skin, big eyes, full lips, large love to learn mind, my writing ability, and a host of other things - but when I consider the things that may make some think of me as "different" (depending on the context and the circumstances I'm in) I realize that there are SO MANY OTHERS that have pretty much the same things going on. They might not have as much - or they may have more - or they have it all but they use it differently - but they have it. What I have is special not simply because it was specially given to me - but because I recognize it, I love it, and it's not threatened and undermined by whatever else other people have going on.

Here's another post of mine on individuality - as related to weight loss. Enjoy!

---

True originality consists not in a new manner but in a new vision.
Edith Wharton

Sweet murder (stream of consciousness)

2008-10-03T13:34:00.001-04:00

They call her black like the night although her eyes shine bright like sun-rays she scorches whatever gets caught in her gaze and how she blazes her victims is amazing and with her power and skill she kills this murderess fetid with sin with a stench like cinnamon sweet spicy and strong and you'd want to hold on she tends to drag them along with honey coated words sticky sweet and spicy she'll melt your frost if you're icy and if you're lucky you might just end up stuck in her darkness though she's a source of sweet light if your vision is right all she will do is simmer and glow and if you see it you'll know that by her sweet murder she's brought you new life.

© 2008 Patricia B.

---
I don't know if that even makes any actual sense. So it goes when I'm free-writing. I like it.

Dear Employer

2008-09-30T23:54:00.004-04:00

I'm talented.
And I'm fabulous,
And I'm looking -
And that's all I should have to say.
But since it's not -
And since there's this cover letter protocol
To which I must adhere
I'm gonna explain to you why
What you need is right here.

I'm talented. And by that I mean
I was endowed with the power
To create and to make things happen
With my knowledge and my skill
with my prowess with words
with my ability to listen
With my capacity to learn.
And with my abilities and capacities
I don't simply exist
But I excel.
I also speak well -
And I learn quickly.
There aren't too many who are as talent-equipped
As me.

I'm fabulous. And by that I mean
I'm a pleasure to be around -
And though my personality may not astound you
(Depends on your preference)
You might find yourself amazed
by my grace and my glide
And how I take things in stride
And my ability to open my mind wide
to other's ideas and suggestions -
And I can work independently
Without the need for much direction.
There aren't too many who be as great to work with
As me.

I'm also looking. And by that I mean
That yes, I'm looking for a job and
Yes, I'm looking to work for you and
Yes, I think working for you would be a great contribution
to my experience
to my skills
to my bills
(to my financial situation in general).
And I'm looking for something I can contribute to,
Looking for something that will help me grow
And I'm looking for a reason to not look anymore.

So dear employer,
I've read your job description
And you want someone who sounds like me.
I'm right here -
And I've submitted this application
So let's make things simple:
Bring me in for an interview,
Learn about my greatness,
And then hire me.

Sincerely,
Me.

© 2008 Patricia B.

---

Everything I wish I could really write in a cover letter. Sigh. Job hunting is rough.

I can't believe it's been over two months since I've written anything creatively. I came up with this as I helped my friend with a cover letter for a position. I was telling her earlier tonight how I haven't written anything creative in so long - and then I started to help her with her letter - and then POOF - inspiration came. I don't even know if this is good, but it is good to get the creative juices going.

From one pedestrian to another.

2008-07-10T23:36:00.000-04:00

It began as a matter of happenstance:
You walked in my direction
And I saw you glance at my frame
as you passed my way,
to cross the at the intersection of Chemistry and Missed Chance.
But the Don't Walk (away from her) sign flashed
and you dashed back
to find me on the corner of Love and Circumstance.
I saw you approach as the intersection's light flashed white
The streets were clear for us to cross the corner
And I'm glad for the turn we took thereafter.

© 2008 Patricia B.

---

Things for me to do when on a study break from the bar exam:
1. Have a really good meal with a good friend and his friend
2. Watch my favorite movie
3. Write a poem inspired by a line that pops into my head while studying the answers to Contracts MBE questions

(But I probably shouldn't do them all in the same day...)

Whatever. I'm going to bed.

I'm so over the bar exam!

Lacking the words.

2008-06-21T07:24:00.008-04:00

The way you make me feel defies the English language.
I'm not in love with you, yet, I find to say "I like you"
greatly understates just how I feel.
Emotions and feelings are not neat and tidy things I guess
and thus probably shouldn't fit so neatly into categories -
And so I can't be surprised to find that
My vocabulary is lacking and dictionaries have been no help.
Great writers - greater than I - have written on emotion
and they too, I've found, haven't found the words that
quite capture the quality of emotion that I feel for you.
Maybe it's because you and I, unique beings we are,
have managed to have a connection that has followed suit.
A unique situation has lead to a common problem however -
Because I know I'm not the first and I won't be the last -
To hold on to my feelings for way too long,
But it's simply because I can't find the words.

(Ok, so maybe it's not that simple.)

© 2008 Patricia B.

---

So here's the thing about my life at this present moment:
1- I haven't written anything decent in months and I've been feeling the effects of that.
2- My life has been COMPLETELY overtaken by the bar exam! It's like a completely overbearing and demanding boyfriend/husband/child - it needs constant attention - it's somewhat abusive and it's definitely controlling.

I was talking to a friend recently about ambition and she told me about an interview she saw with Madonna once. Apparently, when the interviewer asked Madonna about ambition, her response was something to the effect of "If not doing it wouldn't make you die - then don't do it."

Since my convo with my friend I've been thinking about my goals - especially in light of what I'm currently undertaking - and I know that while doing everything it will take for me to be a licensed attorney is what's right for me according to the Madonna standard - writing is just as right. And I've missed it - hence the above poem which I had the urge to jot down as I woke up this morning. There are some things that have to be said - some words that just need to be written down - for better or for worse.

Love is...

2008-04-17T16:37:00.005-04:00

As a part of National Poetry Month festivities, I'm using my blog to participate in the first national Poem In Your Pocket Day. The point is for the participants to share their favorite poems - preferably a pocket sized one. I love poetry and I love sharing things that I love - so I'm gonna share two of my favorites with you (though admittedly one is not as pocket sized as the other).

What Love Is Like

Love is like
a pineapple,
sweet and
undefinable.

- Piet Hein

--

Coal

I
is the total black, being spoken
from the earth's inside.
There are many kinds of open
how a diamond comes into a knot of flame
how sound comes into a words, coloured
by who pays what for speaking.

Some words are open like a diamond
on glass windows
singing out within the crash of sun
Then there are words like stapled wagers
in a perforated book - buy and sign and tear apart -
and come whatever will all chances
the stub remains
an ill-pulled tooth with a ragged edge.
Some words live in my throat
breeding like adders. Other know sun
seeking like gypsies over my tongue
to explode through my lips
like young sparrows bursting from shell.
Some words
bedevil me

Love is word, another kind of open.
As the diamond comes into a knot of flame
I am Black because I come from the earth's inside
Now take my word for jewel in the open light.

- Audre Lorde

What do you think it says about me that two of my favorite poems just happen to be about love? Would you say that these poems are speaking about the same sort of love?

(Things like this make me miss being an English major - and make me wonder why I'm in law school.)

Our Conversation.

2008-04-14T22:15:00.003-04:00

So she came to me saying that she didn't know what to do about it.
From that, we had this conversation. I wasn't sure
if she was looking for me to tell her what to do about it.
After awhile though, I found that she lied
(though maybe, not intentionally).
She knew exactly what to do,
she just didn't want to do it.
I guess she thought talking to me would help her find an alternative -
or maybe she just needed someone to listen to her problem
(actually that's pretty likely).
And I don't mind that - but as of late, I find
that I actually do mind when others
seek a solution when they are a step away from solving -
have the answer in the grasp, recognize it as such
but put it to the side, and look for something else
and only because the answer may provide some discomfort.
Behaving in that way is a slice of nonsense to me
because the problem, if it persists, will likely feel worse.
So after awhile I didn't comment - I asked a few questions
not really for my insight but to help her find her own.
Maybe she didn't need that
(I can't always know what others need)
but I know that she needed
to step boldly - actually not even so boldly -
but just step towards what she knew was the solution
which I am almost certain she just won't do
(at least not as a result of our conversation).

© 2008 Patricia B.

A Witness.

2008-04-08T14:25:00.009-04:00

She sat silently on the train just like everyone else.
Probably on her way to work, just like everyone else.
Dark haired, dark eyed, dark skinned and dark clothed-
Like she lived her life in the absence of light.
She arose, looked around at her fellow commuters, and spoke.

If you don't know Jesus as your Lord and Savior
You need to get to know Him today.
I'm here to tell you this morning that the Lord saves.
And because we are living in our last days
You need to know about how and why He is great.
He provides, he heals in a way no one person can do
He took me from strife, and healed my body - my life -
Saved me from AIDS - I said, full blown AIDS
When doctors said no more can be done.
When those who "knew" didn't know what to do
I got to know Him and He held me through!
His knowledge surpasses all human understanding
He is why you are here - He saved me
And has saved you in ways you don't even know.
You can't even see all that He is doing for you,
but He does what He does - He made you, He loves you
And all you have to do is get to know Him -
Get to know why He is so good!
He saved me - preserved my life - kept me here
to testify to you - to be a witness for you.
There's nothing greater in this world
Than knowledge of the Lord and His love!

As she spoke, a few commuters nodded - I suppose in agreement.
Other commuters acted as if she wasn't there.
As I listened I wondered just how
Someone who appeared so dark
came to know, to speak and to live in the Light.
© 2008 Patricia B.

---
What I wrote is a paraphrase of this woman's testimony, to which I was held captive with everyone else in the car this morning as I ran late to work. Train-ride evangelism is a common phenomenon in NYC subways - this morning wasn't the first time I was held captive to what someone had to say about God. This morning's testimony just was different to me. For one: she wasn't judgmental. Usually the people testifying are telling their captive audience that they are damned if they don't know God. Rarely do they share something about themselves to show just how God has worked in their lives - but even when they do - they tell their audience usually, if they don't know God, hell awaits them. She made absolutely no mention of being damned or doomed - she was just putting her faith out there. For two: her energy and her words shone so brightly - especially in comparison to her appearance. She was dressed in a hell of a lot of black and dark blue, but the woman, when she spoke, was pure radiance. It was like looking at a bright light shining out of a dark space. Lovely.

As I listened to her, I thought about the contrast between her appearance and her energy, and also thought "Wow, I have to write about this somehow and somewhere." And then I transferred from the 2 (the local) to the 4 (the express) at Franklin Ave. I didn't notice that she transferred with me, and after I sat down I heard the same words being said again. And then again, right before I got off the train. Regardless of what you may think of her beliefs, or this poem - it was meant to be written!

Oh, Happy National Poetry Month!

A Letter to My Body

2008-03-27T00:07:00.007-04:00

So I came across this challenge on BlogHer and thought it'd be fun, and possibly therapeutic. Turns out, I was right.

---

Dear Body,

I'm so, so sorry for the things that I've put you through these 25 - almost 26! - years that we've been together. You've been good to me - and I try to reciprocate - but it's been difficult. You can't help but to be who you are, and yet I've had my issues accepting you and cherishing you the way I should be. I'm sorry and I just wanted to let you know that, from here on out, I will treat you better. So I write to you, my dear, as a way for you to gain an understanding of why my treatment of you has been sub-par and to make clear my intent towards you in the future.

Very early on, I was taught not to like you. You came to me slightly larger than other people's bodies, and as a child I was surrounded by people who told me something was wrong with you because you were bigger. These people influenced me so much that I believed what they said to be true, and began to think something was wrong with you. I resented the fact that I was stuck with you. I fed you to ignore the sadness that came with that resentment - especially as a child - and do you remember how you responded to that? You grew and grew, and scarred in ways I wouldn't have conceived of as a child. Most children's bodies didn't have stretch marks - but they first appeared on my arms when I was very young. Seeing those marks on you didn't help me feel any better about you.

I held on to that resentment of you for many many years, and felt less than others because of you, including the group of people who first told me that something was wrong with you because of your size. Even after I realized that the group of people who put this in my head were just judgmental bitches who had their own issues with their bodies, I held on to my resentment of you. I learned to disregard their opinions of my body - but because their opinion of you had been my opinion of you for so long, it was hard for me to let the opinion go. One thing that was funny - after I began to disregard those people's opinions of you, I began to get feedback about you that was much more positive from other groups of people - men mostly. I met people who actually liked how you looked - and a few who liked you so much that they wanted you for themselves. But their opinions were disregarded too - even those who seemed to like you so much they wanted to make use of you for their own selfish purposes.

I disregarded everyone's opinion of you and held on to my resentment of you stubbornly - except for when I allowed those particular people to make use of you for their own purposes. I allowed it though, because allowing them to use you actually made me feel good about you for the first time - even if that good feeling only lasted for a few minutes, it seemed to be worth it. I was still young then - just starting college - and didn't realize that treating you that way - letting others treat you that way - was a way of abusing you, ultimately. It didn't take me long to realize this though - and I would say that the first time I actually began to appreciate you was when I realized I should be more selective with whom I shared you.

Since that point, I have been learning, slowly, to love you. There was that summer between freshman and sophomore year of college though when I hated you so much! You had gotten so big so quickly! I'd treated you so badly during freshman year, with all the greasy food and drinking - you clearly didn't like it and stretched out bigger than you had ever been at that point. I was disgusted with you and decided to do something about it - remember? So I joined Weight Watchers and watched you slim down as I followed the program. Do you remember that? It was great. I never felt better about you. That feeling though, was short-lived too. I don't think I properly learned to take care of you given the circumstances I was in during my years in college. So I learned, slowly, just how to do that. And during that time, I began to truly appreciate you for the wonder you are.

And you are that, you know. A wonder. I remember clearly the very first time I saw you, on a whole, as this magnificent creature. It was in Jamaica - January 2006 - and I was visiting my sister - just so very happy to be there. I was getting ready to sleep and changing into my night clothes and I caught a glimpse of you unclothed. It was as if I was seeing you for the first time. Simply amazing. I think that was the day I fell in love with you - including your stretch marks, and love handles and all the other things most others would consider undesirable. I loved every bit in that moment and that feeling has never left me. You might think differently based on some of the things you've been subjected to since then - but believe me, I do love you.

It was that year that I think I treated you the worst ever. But my dear, you were the unfortunate and unavoidable scapegoat for the world of stress I lived in during that time. And I learned what can happen when you are neglected. Hair fell out. You gained 10 lbs in the space of a week - 10 lbs that you didn't let go of until this summer. The summer of 2006 I slowly began to treat you better - you didnt get any bigger, your hair grew, your skin cleared. I began to match my treatment of you with my love for you - despite whatever else was going on in my life.

Last year though, I learned of the devastating effect my treatment of you over the years has had. PCOS. It's reversible - but will only be reversed when I treat you better. And despite learning about PCOS I haven't been doing THAT much better in my treatment of you, I know. I'm even back on Weight Watchers and I'm not doing THAT much better. It's hard though - my interest in treating you well competes with school and my job. This past year you have been sick more often than in many years past - and I know it has a lot to do with my poor treatment of you.

And you definitely do not deserve the treatment! I'm writing this to you as a pledge to treat you better. If I continue on the way I have been, PCOS will be the least of my troubles with you. Beyond that - I long for the days when you felt full of life. You and I haven't been together THAT long - we can still feel good together - but my treatment of you has worn you down before your time, I believe. So, from here on out, I will eat and drink more of the things you respond to and digest the best - I will exercise you more and most importantly, I will value you and treat you as my most important possession - because that is exactly what you are. Without you, I wouldn't be able to write this and do all that I want to do in life.

Once again, I apologize for past mistreatment, my dear. But, if you are patient with me, you will see how much things will change for the better.

Love,

Tricia

An exercise on reality.

2008-03-11T13:51:00.004-04:00

We make things more complicated than they need to be and it's usually the result of our thoughts. I know I am guilty of this - but I strive to break away from it. Recently I've had a number of conversations with friends, acquaintances and the like, about things that wouldn't be so complicated if they just stopped thinking about it - or overthinking - or worrying about whatever it was we discussed. I think I needed to have these conversations because I needed to be shown how I do the same from time to time - and how to do it less.

We all need to "think" in a sense - as I write this, I'm engaging in a thought process - but we, as human beings don't spend enough time just "being" - living in the now, being aware of our presence and reality, and acting accordingly. It gets to the point where our thoughts distract us from our reality - and it is when we reach this point we make things more complicated than they are. You may believe that your thoughts reflect your reality - but not quite. Once you move beyond a point of acknowledgment and understanding of present circumstances, every other thought you think of your situation is a distraction from your reality. It's not always a bad thing to be distracted from present circumstances - you might need the distraction from time to time. It just seems that we live in a constant stream of thought that can carry us away from reality and bring us to places like worry, fear, anxiety, delusion, hubris, sadness, obsession, etc - abstractions of reality. It then takes something or someone to provide a reality check - to bring us "back to earth." And sometimes those reality checks come with unfortunate circumstances.

If you need an example, consider Eliot Spitzer - who has spent his career as Attorney General, and then Governor of New York as a politician who prided himself on eliminating fraud and corruption. The reality is that he was as corrupt as the entities he targeted - and it took a mundane tax inquiry by the IRS to set his reality check in motion. I don't know him (of course) but I'm sure that he was always aware that was he was doing was as salacious as the activities he sought to end - and who couldn't see the hypocrisy in that? But he continued, likely motivated by some stream of thoughts that led him to justify what he was doing (my guess is that he suffers from a deal of hubris) - and in continuing to do so, probably thought he wouldn't get caught. The reality on February 13, and still is now, is that everything we do, even if you are the Governor of New York is traceable, especially in this day and age - ESPECIALLY when it involves monetary transactions and ESPECIALLY(!!) when it involves the account of the Governor of New York. At the point when he decided to withdraw that $2000 from his account for the prostitute's services, was he acting as someone aware of reality?

I think the world would be a better place if we did a little less thinking and a lot more "being" - not mindlessness, but being mindful of our presence in this world, and the reality in which we exist.

(And I intend to write something a bit more creative about this topic - but I needed to work out my thoughts first. Hence the exercise.)

Together.

2008-03-07T00:27:00.001-05:00

you're a star -
i'm a star -
we're all stars
in the same
constellation.
we burn brightly
by ourselves -
but we light
the night's sky
only when we're
seen together.

© 2008 Patricia B.

about my dreams:

2008-03-04T23:19:00.003-05:00

i find that as i go along in my life in pursuit of my dreams, there are many days when the going along gets rough. and there are days when the word "rough" doesn't begin to describe how bad it is. it gets so bad that sometimes i wonder if the pursuit is really worth it at all. i think a part of the problem is, for me, that i'm not going after my dream in pursuit of happiness. i'm happy. i'm blessed and i am relatively healthy and God gave me the ability to do great things and i'm already doing great things. i'm content - i have many things that bring me joy. my dreams are not worth pursuing because attaining it will make me so much more happier than i am now - maybe it will, maybe it won't. i pursue my dreams mainly because i believe i was put here for a purpose, and it's my mission to fulfill that purpose. because my dream is not so much one i created but one that was given to me, it's hard for me to justify pursuing my dreams in the typical sense. it's as if it was literally another person that said, "Tricia, this is what you are here to do. So now, go do it." that's not exactly how that happened. i do know i was five or six years old - i was definitely in kindergarten and i may have actually been in kindergarten class when it happened. no one said anything to me and i don't really believe that at that age i even had the wherewithal to consider my life's purpose (even though i was an unusually bright kid.). but, there it was. what i was here to do. it was definitely given to me. and since it's not something i came up with on my own, i've had some issues figuring out how it was going to get done, and whether it's really worth my time at all. i think when you own something, anything, including a dream, it's easy to think about what you will do and won't do with it - because it's yours, either by creation or some other means of ownership. but when something is given to you, especially when you didn't ask for it, it's harder to just know what should be done with it, and if you should even bother to keep it. but i've kept it. even when i tried to throw it away, it always came back to me. and since the age of five or six i've been fortunate to discover just how it was i am to fulfill these purposes - the method too has been something given to me - not exactly something i thought about and made a decision to do. it might seem mindless - and it is mindless. i have not attached a tremendous amount of thought to keeping the dream or to the decision on how it should be pursued. so here i am in the midst of pursuing my dreams - and it's not easy. and i wonder, if my dream was given to me so easily, why is it that i can't pursue the dream as easily? i never told life what i wanted to do, and i never asked life what it wanted from me - life just told me what it was that i had to do without any effort on my part. so why is it that now that i'm actually doing what life wants me to do, life is making it so difficult? what's the point in all this? as i've written this, i've drawn the conclusion that life or whatever it is that gave me the dream isn't what makes things so difficult - it's me. it's me questioning it, it's me doing things that clearly go against the pursuit of the dream, it's my lack of faith that i am doing what i'm supposed to be doing that makes minor complications into huge difficulties. i need to trust, and i need to believe in it and be consistent in the trust and belief. the dream has always been trusting and faithful to me and things will likely get easier once i reciprocate.

© 2008 Patricia B.

Unbelievable

2008-02-28T13:49:00.004-05:00

The problem is that I don't believe in it anymore.
I've been working in its pursuit for awhile, and I've become jaded.
I didn't plan on ending my quest for it anytime soon
And I planned on pursuing it on a higher plane
But my lack of belief is preventing me from moving forward.
So it feels like I should just let the dream go altogether.
But then, I'm not a quitter.
I'm tough and I'm focused and
I survive and I persevere and
Point blank, I'm stubborn.
And so while letting it go
Goes against who I am,
Not being myself
Feels remarkably preferable.
But who am I to abort my mission?
Who am I discard my dream?
My mission - my dream -
given to me long ago.
A gift - a blessing -
What and why I kept on going.
And now that I'm in the thick of things -
In the midst of the hardest time so far -
With harder times to come -
When I need to believe the vision of the dream the most
I find that I just don't.
And I don't understand why my mission was given to me.
And my dream is sickened by present reality,
Maybe hoping for a renewal in vitality.
It once looked so vibrant and full of life.
But now it appears dimly, wheezing
Telling the same story of the future -
But merely echoing its former voice.
Nothing I do to strengthen it seems to help.
Why should I keep such a sickly thing?
Shouldn't a dream inspire energy?
This dream saps my resolve - it drains me.
And the vision of the dream as a reality
Is remarkably unbelievable.

© 2008 Patricia B.

A thought at 2AM:

2008-02-04T02:00:00.000-05:00

My dreams carry me through
when I'm bound in doubt.
When my thoughts do me in
my dreams pull me out.
Visions of future greatness
will keep in focus with clarity,
as long as I'm not turned astray
while turning visions into reality.
© 2008 Patricia B.

--
I guess I could make this longer - I could extrapolate on the general idea but damnit, it's really 2 in the morning.

In order to dream, I need sleep!

the late bird

2008-01-30T12:47:00.000-05:00

the late bird arises,
striving to be timely -
she sees success fly by
on the wings of the early -
and chases after their tails,
fleeing from failure
and feeling mediocre,
though she knows better.
for the late bird flies freely
no different from the early -
but for her to be more
she knows she must soar.

(and she will.)

© 2008 Patricia B.

--
Please believe, she will.

Inevitable

2008-01-24T19:23:00.000-05:00

I know that if it is meant to be
He will come to me.
And it's not a matter meant for worry.
And it's not a process to rush or hurry.

Just as the sun is naturally bound to shine
If he is meant for me, then he will be mine.

© 2008 Patricia B.

--
True story. Maybe one day, I'll tell you all about it.

Daybreak

2008-01-10T16:37:00.000-05:00

I write luminescence;
Writing in the language of sunshine.
My words are the morning light.
If only your eyes could hear
It would listen to the new day written.

© 2008 Patricia B.

--
First piece of 2008!

I'm working on some short stories. Lots of ideas swirling about in the brain since the inception of 08 but nothing has materialized to completion until this - which came together sort of by playing with the "Magnetic Words" application on Facebook. I love these sorts of exercises... you're given a bunch of words, sometimes random (like the Magnetic Words application) and you have to come up with something (a poem, a story, a description, a sentence) using only the words you're given. It's the sort of exercise I've always done in creative writing classes. Challenging but fun.

This is actually what I came up with using the words they give in the facebook application:

I write magnetic;
writing in lines of sunshine
my words are the morning light
listen to a new day written
if only your mind can hear

I think I did pretty well with it!

I also like the first line.

I write magnetic.

What do you think?

About 2007

2007-12-29T02:52:00.000-05:00

You had the answer to the question
I didn't know I had -
The revelation of a secret
I wasn't trying to reveal.
In my imagination's wildest reaches
I could have never conceived of you.
My nonexistent wish
came unbelievably true.

© 2007 Patricia B.
---

2007 isn't over yet - but so far, it's been pretty good.

running in place (how i'm feeling right now)

2007-12-04T01:14:00.000-05:00

i feel like
i'm running in place
running a race
against myself
and i'm destined for the last place
defeated before i even begin
fighting the war
but the war continues with no end
and my enemy will win -
yet my enemy is me
and just can't see
why i keep entrenching myself in misery -
making progress but no motion
and now i'm fraught with emotion
i am my judge and my jury
and my judgment of me
keeps me stuck in my fury
and thus I'm frustratingly
running, out of breath,
but yet, standing still.

© 2007 Patricia B.

So I was feeling so low...

2007-11-25T22:44:00.000-05:00

Low, like I wanted to be under-the-ground kind of low.
The kind of low that brought tears to my eyes because I didn't quite know
how I got to where I am, and how I could take another step forward.
In my tears, I scolded myself for even feeling the way I felt -
me, with so much to be thankful for, who has received so much -
what really good reason could I have to cry?
But there I was, crying and crying and asking God why?
Why was I put here? Why am I doing what I'm doing?
Why can't certain things about me just be different?
Why can't I just have what I want?
I kept hearing the answer in my head,
But the words did not console -
The answer - that nothing I've done has been done alone
And that nothing in my life is truly in my control
But is by His will, and set in His plan
And that all I needed to do was put my trust in Him -
no, none of that helped me feel better.
So I cried and questioned and challenged that answer
and decided to open His book - something I don't do enough
And see, if He really is going to speak to me
Why not through His word?
So I tested it to see what would happen -
I opened my Bible at random, and honestly expected
to open to a passage completely unrelated
but instead, I opened to Psalms 23.

So I write all this to testify to whoever comes across this:
That He is real, He is listening to you
And that truly you can depend on Him
because He will always be there for you
Just as Psalms 23 reminded me.

(And now, I'm definitely not feeling low!!!)

© 2007 Patricia B.
---

A couple of things:

1. This seriously happened to me within the last 15 - 20 minutes.
2. This piece wasn't intended to be a "piece" - I started writing it as a regular ol' post in my regular blog - but then it started flowing out of me all creative sounding and so I figured I'd include it here.
3. In case you aren't familiar with the significance of Psalms 23 - it is THE PSALM out of the book of Psalms that is most often used as a passage to comfort others in times of trouble, of need, of despair. A good deal of the psalms discuss faith in God and what it means to lean on Him (Psalms 27 is another good one - which I ended up reading afterwards) but this Psalm is significant not only for its actual meaning, but its significance in the way its used throughout Christianity. Long story short - of all the psalms I needed to read earlier tonight - Psalm 23 is pretty much at the top of the list.

God is Good!

I need to go to church more.

Where I'm From

2007-10-31T21:08:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I’m baffled the responses I get when I
Answer the question of where I’m from.
I'm a Brooklyn baby, born and bred in the borough
But when people hear decent grammar,
they also don't expect to hear
that I was born in Brookdale Hospital, right off the B35
or that I grew up on Bradford and Livonia,
a couple of blocks from the 3.
Back in the day you would have easily found me
playing in the yard of PS 13 or
giggling with my friends in front of IS 292
or hanging out at the pizza shop around the corner from Brooklyn Tech -
or working at my first real job at the Burger King in Fulton Mall
or kissing my first love while in the glory of Promenade’s panorama.
Nowadays, you can find me at the only law school
that goes by the name of my borough
(yea that's right, I said its MY borough)
And I claim Brooklyn just as it claimed me
years before my birth, when mother came
from Jamaica, dreaming of the stairs she would climb
as she moved away from the land of wood and water
to the birthplace of her future daughter,
attempting to attain something better.
Many look down on Brooklyn
But many know of its promise of a better life -
The one it gave my mother decades ago.
I'm not just from Brooklyn - I am Brooklyn
for I am the realization of the promise
given to my mother and many others -
I am the accumulation of opportunities it holds
and the continuing result of Brooklyn’s hopes come true.
So while I might appear to some to be from somewhere else
I won't shape my answers to their questions
by their misconceptions
of what it means to be from Brooklyn.
© 2007 Patricia B.

----
Ok yea, I should be studying for the MPRE, but I was inspired to write while rocking out to some Mos Def tracks. This poem is actually a work in progress - I might clean it up a bit, maybe add more, or maybe write another poem about me and Brooklyn? There's just so much that I can say.

Missing you.

2007-10-22T00:43:00.000-04:00

So I know I haven't been writing
But I've been striving, trying
to make myself a little bit better
which has me in this rat race
trying to escape
while getting pushed and shoved and smacked in the face...
It's been brutal,
because I'm chasing my other passion
While holding tightly to you:
My pen, my words, my craft, my love.
But my other goals and dreams often draw me away,
So I just came back briefly to say
That because I'm not always with you
Don't think I've forgotten about you
Because in my writing lies my heart
And I'm not sure where I'll end,
but you are where my life starts...
© 2007 Patricia B.
----
Ok seriously though - I haven't written in a couple of weeks and I MISS IT!!!! Man. Things are so busy and they are about to get busier - I have to take the MPRE in two weeks, I am looking for a job AND then I have to deal with being a busy law student. Argh! I was just sitting here reading about shareholder lawsuits and derivative actions for my Corporations class and just felt this urge to write something. And there you have it. I'm not even sure if it makes complete sense right now - I'm feeling too flustered to look at it objectively. I just needed to get out what was in my head.

Writing is really my first great love - my first great passion. It hasn't gone away but now it's competing with my journey to attorneydom. If only I could find a way to combine the two... (and no, writing legal memoranda and such does not do it for me... )

In this moment...

2007-10-10T23:54:00.000-04:00

In this moment, I want to save the world from itself
Or change it for the better, at least in some small way.
I want to drape myself in red
Because I’m hot and red suits my passion
Or maybe quench my fire in some deep cool blue sea
with black sand beaches, while being held by
the hands of some beautiful man.
I want a beautiful man with compassionate character
and exceptional qualities
I want a man to love me for my mind, my spirit and my body
I want to love my imperfect body.
I want to be healthy.
I want physical prosperity and to possess a financial portfolio
Of tremendous magnitude. While I’m at it, I want to shake myself
Of the attitude that has kept me mired in debt
But has kept me looking fly – which reminds me,
I want those chocolate brown suede knee high boots
I saw in that store’s window today. I want some dark chocolate,
And also to go away to see other foreign cities and countries.
I want to go to my mother’s country
And help the people there who live with less than I do
Because as much as I want in this moment,
Ultimately, I just want to save the world from itself,
Or change it for the better, at least in some small way.

Self-definition

2007-09-24T13:50:00.000-04:00

I define me
by the gravity of my needs
and also by the self-forces
to which I take heed:
such as my compulsion to serve,
my inclination to mentally dissect,
my creative penchant,
and my determination for success.
But most importantly,
my beliefs and faith in the Divine
are the beginning and the ending to
how and why I self-define.
© 2007 Patricia B.

Necessary concepts.

2007-09-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

To achieve lasting literature, fictional or factual, a writer needs perceptive vision, absorptive capacity, and creative strength.
Lawrence Clark Powell (emphasis mine)

I think the same goes for poetry too. At any rate, I've been striving for all three without ever really conceptualizing my aims as a writer - until this morning.

And so I'd like to thank the good people at Google who decided it was a good idea to add the brainyquotes feed to the webclips section of my account! If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have probably come across this - never even knew this man existed until I saw another one of his quotes at the top of my page when I logged in:

Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow. - LCP

And that's what I do.

To my heroes.

2007-09-15T23:41:00.000-04:00

This one is for you:
For those who stand with clarity
While all around you falter, confounded.
For those who emanate peace and understanding -
This one is for you.
For those who know the secret to love
that all else searches for -
Who attracts others with the glow
from that sweet love of humanity
that you've somehow acquired -
This one is for you.
For those who inspire others with wisdom and
Walk a hard road shod with courage.
Who knows the way to destiny,
And gives the directions to others frequently -
This one is for you.
You, who effortlessly are the paradigm
We strive to follow.
Who by virtue of who you are
Inspire generations and mold actions.
For those who utter the words
to which others cling -
This one is for you.
For those who strive for more
Despite success already achieved,
Who knows that in the light of God's grace
that life is a process meant to be filled with progress.
Because you inspire me so,
This one is for you.
I hope you like it.
(I really do.)
© 2007 Patricia B.

---
A few weeks ago, I had a dream that I was entering step 2 of the pursuit of my writing career: performing my work. The fact that performing is important to my writing may not make sense, but it is important - for it is an important way to share the things I write, to promote myself and my work. It is also something that I am still currently VERY NERVOUS about doing. I have never read any of my poetry or other written pieces aloud for a captive audience (apart from anything I've ever done for a creative writing or English class).

So in this dream I had a few weeks ago I was conquering step 2. The piece I performed in this dream approximates the poem above. (As soon as I woke up I grabbed my journal and started scribbling whatever I could remember from it.) The poem that I use to conquer my fear and reach a goal in my dream is about my heroes - I don't know quite what that means, but I'm sure some meaning can be culled from that.

The dream itself ended by me saying the last two lines of the poem above. I'm not sure if that was really supposed to be in the poem as I dreamed it, or if it was just a mere expression of hope that the audience liked my poem. It was probably both. I'll never know if the audience in my dream liked my poem, but I do hope you like it. I really do.

The return

2007-09-12T01:27:00.000-04:00

I'm just having a moment, sitting in the corner, crying, contemplating why I've found myself back here again. As much as I've fought to get away from this place the road I've traveled has only brought me back. It's a vicious cycle. And as my life rolls on this wheel just turns and turns and it's brought me back to a place I know too well. I could probably draw a map of the ins and the outs and the pain to be found only here. There just seems to be no getting away. Although they keep flowing the tears don't seem to help, but I'm hoping that contemplation will, to help me see where I went wrong, what to look for, where not to go - because I'm gonna leave this place once again and I will not come back!
© 2007 Patricia B.

In gratitude.

2007-09-11T19:47:00.000-04:00

I'm thankful for:
my family
my friends
my general health
my access to health services
my mother
my mother's house
my room
my clothes, which are now all over my room
my shoes, which are now all over the floor in my room
my sense of style
my good sense
my intelligence
my creative ability
my developing legal mind
my developing writing talent
my success
my potential
my brown skin
my curly hair
my astigmatic and myopic pair of eyes
my bouncy and perky pair of D's
my love for my body
my love for myself
my countries (US & Jamaica)
my confidence
my insecurities
my resilience
my mistakes
my ability to learn from mistakes
my possibilities
my Lord, through whom all things are possible.

© 2007 Patricia B.
---
I think on a day like today, it's good to reflect on all the blessings you've been given, and everyday is a good day to give thanks and praise.

Unstable.

2007-09-10T20:30:00.000-04:00

Before leaving for work today I caught the first 10 minutes of The View, who introduced comedian Sherri Shepherd as their new co-host (YAY! I like her on the show). I'm glad I caught it, because even though she has been on that show as a temporary co-host many times, today was the day they officially introduced her and showed a segment about her background, how she got into comedy etc. It's a pretty cool story - one that involves a huge leap of faith which clearly is working out for her - and she said something that struck a chord with me...

So she was a legal secretary out in Beverly Hills when she was thinking of going into comedy and did a few shows here and there - but wasn't sure if she should go into it with full force because being a comic is so unstable - but then someone reminded her: "if it was about stability, then you wouldn't have faith."

So true!! I think I needed to hear that this morning. I can't be scared of what can be or what will be, because there is no real way to guarantee an outcome. You just never know. I can't let fear or the unknown stop me from going after what I want.

If life was about stability, then I wouldn't need faith.

(And in case you didn't know, this blog in a way has been all about me stepping out on faith. I am going after my writing career. You can call this step 1.)

Inevitable

2007-09-06T15:31:00.000-04:00

I'm being pulled in a particular direction that I welcome, but I dread.
All these signs have appeared, and they tell me
that a commotion is near.
And since I like to face facts and take on my fears
I know that I'll have no choice but to
Roll with the punches
Persist through the strife
Subsist with the pressure
And grow, despite the struggle.

© 2007 Patricia B.

-------
Ugh. I'm in my fourth and final year of law school (four because I've attended part time - law school is usually three years) and I was just sitting here thinking about what that means: the bar exam is near!!!! Thoughts about that madness are what inspired the above poem. I had to let out the anxiety that just swept through me thinking about the bane of my Summer 2008. I can't wait until the last week of next July! (The bar exam is usually given during the 3rd week of July.)

My pain inspires so much of my writing.

In appreciation.

2007-08-22T01:26:00.000-04:00

Since refocusing on my writing these past few months, I've learned just how necessary support from others is and will continue to be as I develop as a writer.

It took a bit of support and encouragement from others to even get back into the game. Back in February, after realizing that I actually went for years without penning a single verse, jumping back into writing that had nothing to do with the law was merely a thought. The more I thought about it, the more I kept finding inspiration and support - quite a few people nudged me here and there and by March I was focused. Months later I feel like I've actually grown a bit as a writer - and I see how crucial support has been to that growth. Before my writing hiatus it just never dawned on me that feedback on my work would ever be that important to me, I suppose because my writing comes mostly from my personal experience and observations. But then before my writing hiatus I wasn't ever focused on writing as a career. Having other perspectives helps because my work now has an audience of more than one - at the very least, it helps me keep that in mind.... The votes of confidence also have helped me at the times when I didn't feel so confident!

So yes, to those who support what I do, this is just to say thank you from the bottom of my heart and from the carpel tunnel that has developed in my hands and arms from all the writing I've been doing!

And speaking of support, I just want to show some support to some of the most talented of those who support me: Mr. Vilson (a man of many talents - an educator and a poet - and also the RainTiger Poetry Cafe's Spotlight Poet for the month for August! Yaaaaaaay!!!) and Mr. Baptiste (also a man of many talents, and aside from his own music he's one third of the trio Brooknology - a mix of fresh beats, intelligent rhymes, soulful spoken word AND Brooklyn! Incidentally, he was one of the first to nudge me towards my writing earlier this year.) Both are doing big things and are definitely destined for greatness.... and it means a lot to me that people of their talent respect what I do. Check them out!

That reminds me - a long time ago Jose shouted me out on his blog and tagged me to do The Fours... and since he asked so nicely, here I go:

Four jobs I’ve had

Secretary-to-Judge
Paralegal
Preceptor (Rutgers College's word for a Resident Assistant)
Cashier at Burger King

Four movies I can watch over and over
Coming to America
Hairspray (the 2007 version)
Friday
Shrek

Four places I’ve lived
Brooklyn, NY
Jersey City, NJ
Piscataway, NJ
In my mind (I'm a big time day dreamer)

Four TV shows I love
The Simpsons
South Park
The Cosby Show
Sex and The City

Four places I’ve vacationed
Jamaica, WI
London, UK
Miami, FL
Cozumel, Mexico

Four of my favorite dishes
Jerk chicken w/mac and cheese (from my jerk chicken spot only though!)
Oxtail w/rice and peas
Ackee and Saltfish (it's the Jamaican national dish for a reason)
Carrot cake and Cinnamon ice cream (does this count as a meal?)

Four sites I visit daily
Xanga
Yahoo News
Facebook
Gmail

Four places I would rather be right now
(frankly, nowhere but BROOKLYN, but …)
London, UK (my best friend is there and I haven't seen her in so long...)
Kingston, JA (only because of my family, otherwise I wouldn't - JA is a hot damn mess right now in the aftermath of Hurricane Dean.)
Silver Spring, MD (once again, b/c of family. Otherwise I don't know what the hell is out there!)
Asleep (where I will be in a few...)

Options.

2007-08-20T14:58:00.000-04:00

I ask you to accept me as I am.
It may be hard to do this, for I’m not perfect,
And I’m nothing like what you conceived I’d be,
But I am here the way I was meant to be -
Molded in the form God made for me -
And I don’t see how I could be in your life
if you don’t accept the person I am.
I fully admit that I’m flawed:
My voice is loud -
My opinions are strong -
My resolve is stubborn and that just grates on your nerves.
My body isn’t perfect and I know you wish I was just a bit smaller.
My hair is kinky and curly and I know you wish I would just straighten it.
I tend to shop too much and
I tend to leave my bags all over the place -
And when I take off my jeans, I tend to leave them
Right I where I took them off until I’m ready to put them away.
I tend ignore other people’s opinions of me - including yours -
Especially when given unasked.
I’m ambitious and hardworking and busy
So I don't always have time for what you want from me.
I fully admit that these things, and more, make me difficult.
I know that when you first looked at me you couldn’t
have imagined that any of these things could be -
Some romanticized notion of the woman I would be
Held fast in your mind and I just haven’t lived up to your expectations.
I couldn’t, I wouldn’t and as far as I’m concerned, I shouldn’t
Have to match up to your ideal for me.
And now I ask you to accept me as I am
Because I’m through accepting your judgment and moments of rejection.
If you don’t accept me as I am
Losing me is your other option.
© 2007 Patricia B.

Miss Birch

2007-07-20T01:14:00.000-04:00

Pardon my alliteration -
but I find it asinine
that assholes will try to
mentally assassinate those
merely on the ascent towards
the height of their aspirations,
with their acerbic tongues spitting
acidic soul-splitting thoughts.
And (as I shift to a more assonant verse)
I know that to be cursed while working
hard with a true purpose
hurts. But, for what it's worth
I get curt with these types
Who often end up quite hurt
For if you aim to drag my spirit through the dirt
you must first be prepared for
the caliber and the might of Miss Birch.
© 2007 Patricia B.

******
I think it's funny how this poem was actually inspired by my "10 Second Interview" application on Facebook, which had a question that said, "Pardon my_______."

This morning.

2007-07-17T12:14:00.000-04:00

Woke up to the radio at 8:10.
"Shit - I'm supposed to leave at 8:15!"
(Clearly, that didn't happen.)
Thought about calling out for work today.
Commenced with the quickest shower in my life.
Pulled my curly-frizzy-dry 'fro in a ponytail holder.
Slapped on a headband to keep the short hairs in front from sticking out.
(It didn't work. It still is sticking up past the headband.)
Realized: My hair has grown.
Fumbled with my contacts.
Gave up on my contacts.
Found my glasses - on the floor.
(Why were my glasses on the floor?!)
White cardigan, lavender tank, black capris and black flats.
Ivory and mother of pearl/gold bangles.
Watch and two white gold rings.
Nose ring. Cubic zirconia studs in my ears.
Paused: how did I manage to rush and still look so cute?
I seriously took 20 minutes.
I seriously RAN out of my house - without my cell phone.
(Damnit!)
I pushed past my neighbor as I ran down the steps of the train station.
I loved her dress!
(She always looks so cute.)
I held the train door for her and some other people.
I stood the entire train ride.
Read: "If we ignore everything around us... we'll miss the coincidences
and synchronicities that signal where we are to go..."*
I moved towards the train door before I got to my stop.
MO: Be as close to the train door as possible before getting to Brooklyn Bridge.
I became aware of a girl whose face I recognized,
Who stared at me and looked at her friend - who I also recognized.
They chatted. She looked at me. The friend laughed.
I pretended to ignore it.
I had a moment of insecurity.
(What were they laughing at? My outfit? My glasses?
My hair? My size? What?)
Announced: "The time now is 9:07 AM"
I got to the office at 9:10.
No one was there to notice how late I was.
(Doesn't matter. I'm usually 10 minutes late.)
© 2007 Patricia B.

*Caroline Myss, "Invisible Acts of Power: Channeling Grace in Your Everyday Life."

In case you didn't know...

2007-07-16T13:10:00.000-04:00

I'm a nerd
I'm a logophile
I'm a metaphor
I'm a mess
I'm a hot mess
I'm a hottie
I'm a hater
I'm a lover
I'm a loved one
I'm a friend
I'm a dream come true
I'm a beauty queen
I'm a pauper
I'm a knot of tension
I'm a de-stressor
I'm an itch
I'm a scratch
I'm a Jamaican
I'm a American
I'm a yankee pickney
I'm a noble's daughter
I'm an auntie
I'm an auntie-monster
I'm a sister
I'm a story
I'm an exposition
I'm an inscription
I'm a prescription
I'm a curative
I'm a curly 'fro
I'm a cutie
I'm an eye-sore
I'm an Isis
I'm a piece of work
I'm a work of peace
I'm a work in progress
I'm a jewel
I'm an outfit
I'm a pair of shoes
I'm an ensemble
I'm a medley
I'm a melody
I'm a song stuck in your mind
I'm a socioeconomic unit
I'm a student
I'm a studier
I'm a success
I'm a chick from the 'hood
I'm a fatty girl
I'm a pair of eyes
I'm a set of lips
I'm a pair of breasts
I'm a beating heart
I'm a twisted mind
I'm a brilliant soul
I'm an ingenue
I'm a procrastinator
I'm a motivator
I'm an inspiration
I'm an aspiration
I'm a climax
I'm an orgasm
I'm a release
I'm a relief
I'm a belief
I'm a hope
I'm a dream
I'm a voice
I'm a whisper
I'm a shout
I'm a reflection of He who sustains me.

Getting things done.

2007-07-12T13:15:00.000-04:00

The horoscope:
Thursday, July 12th, 2007
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
You may be feeling pretty good about yourself and might even gloss over an important detail to maintain your current peace of mind. Unfortunately, you won't be able to hide your head in the sand too long. It's better to face a difficult truth directly than it is to try to dance your way around it.

So true. I have been feeling pretty good about myself but the fact of the matter is that I AM SLACKING, on like everything worthwhile.

Last night I planned on coming home and getting some stuff on my to-do list done but what did I do instead?
- Watched Rocky (SUCH A GREAT MOVIE! I forgot how good it was. And inspiring!)- Played around with GoodReads for a hot damn minute. (It's a great site if you're a bookworm...)
And then I fell asleep as I started doing what I should have been doing in the first place... ugh.

More importantly: 1) I have been slacking BIG TIME with the weight loss efforts these past few weeks and 2) my shopping habits have been out of control.

The problem, as I see it, is a lack of willpower and focus. Now people tell me all the time that I'm driven and focused yada yada yada - but I beg to differ. I'm often distracted - and actually work best when I'm doing multiple things at once. Focused I rarely am. So I believe this is why I am having TREMENDOUS difficulty when it comes to things that take a serious amount of focus, like reaching my health and financial goals, like finishing that damn story. UGH.

On the train this morning I read something that I think will be helpful (and might be helpful to you too):
We are born with a desire to fulfill our highest potential, purpose, or Sacred Contract, but we do have to develop the will to fulfill it. When we are off-track - usually when we are motivated more by fear and expedience than by courage and a vision of what we're meant to do - we become restless and disappointed. Often we need help getting out of such a rut and into the orbit of our highest potential.
pg. 28, Invisible Acts of Power - Channeling Grace in Your Everyday Life, Caroline Myss.

Lord knows that I am all about reaching my highest potential - about getting to my ne plus ultra. My desire to reach it is definitely there, but is the will? It doesn't really seem to be - at least lately. When it comes to my goals, especially the big ones of health and financial wellness, I am definitely more motivated by fear than anything else. I DON'T WANT TO STRUGGLE WITH MY HEALTH BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT. I DON'T WANT TO FOREVER BE TRAPPED IN DEBT. I am scared of diabetes, of high blood pressure, etc. I am scared that I'll forever be swimming in a financial crisis... it's definitely my fears that motivate me - not the visions I occasionally have of what it will be like to be healthier or what it would feel like to be financially independent.

My fear motivates me - but it's negative encouragement - so nothing else that I need is really being developed. The will I need to succeed is being weighed down by my negativity. I woke up this morning feeling so absolutely frustrated with myself (some of which I wrote about here). I needed to know what in the world was going on with me and reading those words today on the train really opened my mind to what's been happening, or not happening. I am so thankful for the words I read today on the train!

I already know better than to worry about reaching my goals. I already know that God provides all in due course. If you don't know, check Matthew 6:28-34. Clearly, this knowledge hasn't stopped me from worrying. I don't know if I'm ready yet. There's a lot to be done before I get anywhere near the success I see for myself. God is getting me ready. Reading that passage felt like a direct divine intervention. I called out for some insight in the morning and was compelled to re-read words that I read two days ago. The passage I excerpted comes from her chapter on the seven chakras and the composition of our spiritual anatomy - I read it and yesterday felt the need to re-read it again, so I started to but stopped at the description of Chakra Five: The Energy of Determination. It was right on time.

As Myss writes in the description of Chakra Six: The Energy of Rational Thought: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." Apparently so.

How things can just change...

2007-07-11T01:53:00.000-04:00

Recently I came across some old pictures of me in high school and college - and it reminded me of just how much I've changed these past seven years (since graduating from high school) - more mentally than physically (the hair is what's changed physically- and dramatically) and for the better. I'm just so much more self-assured and confident, much more positive - and as a result of all my stumbles, much more wise...

Thinking of the old me got me to thinking of the kind of crap the old me used to put up with from men... most importantly, The Ex (I have two ex boyfriends but really in my mind, there's The Ex, and then the other one... both significant, but the first one much more so). The Ex was and still is the most selfish person I have ever come across in my life and in so many ways - not just with the way he treated me. Just absolutely ridiculous... and when I think about how I endured a "relationship" with him and then a subsequent "friendship" for a few years later... man.

The poem in the previous post pretty much sums up how I felt about him during our relationship. I wanted to be his EVERYTHING - and only because I wanted him to be my EVERYTHING. I was wrapped up so deep and for the life of me, I don't really remember why. I mean, I was in love - but what was it about him that made me fall so deeply? My theory is that he reminded me of my father with his selfishness and I guess deep down I wanted a man like my father... I guess? But then, as selfish as my father was/is - The Ex even managed to surpass him. Pops definitely set a trend with the type of men I've dated... and when ending it with the other ex I realized that I had become really comfortable with really selfish men (and ended it because I was no longer comfortable damnit!). But The Ex? I don't know what it was... thinking about him inspired me to jot down a little something... when I was with him, I wanted to be his everything but Lord knows I couldn't. And I think that was best. He definitely didn't deserve that much from me.

I just sat and re-read the poem and remembered once again what that was like. Sometimes I wonder if I would ever really feel that way for someone again... Is it even reasonable to be everything someone needs? I know people sing and talk of "you're all I need to get by" and all that... but does love mean that the other person becomes a complete necessity?

Ha. As I wrote that question, I answered it.

Necessity

2007-07-10T00:53:00.001-04:00

I have a dream to be all he needs.
A prospect which sometimes seems a fantasy.
Even though when we speak the idea of me
Being the embodiment of his necessity
Is not some far flung wish but much
Closer to reality -
Especially when he takes the time
To share his dreams with me.

© 2007 Patricia B.

The fire to come. (Inspired by Mr. Cooke)

2007-06-29T00:05:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time coming
And has yet to arrive,
but it exists and
It will come.
Some call it the hope of our generation.
Some call it a flighty dream:
Rhetoric based on fantasy,
concocted from tales of the past while focusing on the future.
Little do the doubters know
is that the hope already exists.
The changes needed are coming
Already on their way
And if you look in the eyes of some
And listen to their voices as they rise above
The din of apathy from others who they resemble
You will see and hear the building blocks of that hope
being assembled.
The change will come because this group exists.
The change is coming because we are evolving.
As we inherited the benefits
of our forefathers' fight for freedom and equity
We too inherited their drive to push against oppression
When faced with few options.
As we inherited their complexions we inherited the spark
Which lead to a major conflagration long ago -
The heat of which still warms us
When faced with the cold reality that although much has changed,
Much has stayed the same.
We all have that spark, and while it is smoldering in the ones
Vested with the hope,
For others it remains latent, waiting for the unjust to set it off.
The guarantee is that there is a fire to come.
The much-doubted hope will be the quencher of the flames.
The coming change will emerge from the remaining ashes.

© 2007 Patricia B.

A change gon' come

2007-06-28T13:44:00.000-04:00

The past few days I've been privileged to attend a number of events: seeing Michelle Obama in Harlem, a symposium at the Schomburg, and the free showing of Don Cheadle's new movie, Talk To Me. Although these events vary on their face, they all provoked the same questions: When will things in this country in regard to how it treats race (in particular, black people) change for the better? What will it take for there to be change? Can there be change at all? I have various thoughts on these events and opinions on these questions - all of which I need some time to collect and organize - but I felt the need to note this briefly.

Whether we like it or not, things will change. All living things - including a people, a nation - invariably MUST change. We are given a choice to be proactive or reactive in the face of impending changes - and we make that decision all the time, whether we're conscious of it or not. One thing that dawned on me as a result of attending all these events is that in the past, strides were made for the better when our backs were against the wall. Black people in this country were STRUGGLING during the time that preceded the Civil Rights Movement of the 50's and 60's in a way our generation could never truly know - racism was blatant: disenfranchised, living in a world where "separate but equal" made sense. The news of a black man being lynched was saddening, but not surprising depending on where he lived. And when one's back is against the wall, they either take the beating or fight back. And so black people in this country fought. In many ways black people in this country won. Strides were made.

What many of us have lost sight of is that the fight is NOT OVER. We are still in the struggle - in another phase - a more dangerous one, I believe. Black people - people of color - whatever you want to call it - are comfortable. Our backs aren't against any walls. We come and go as we please, we get the same opportunities as the melanin-deficient. To some, we have it easier because of our history of disenfranchisement: it gives us the edge. No. Racism is still in place - it's just more latent, for the most part. There's a reason why some of us still believe affirmative action is necessary that goes beyond the errors of the past that affirmative action policies purport to try to correct. Still, in the 21st Century, our youth are starting the race with a handicap. In many of our communities the schools have to FIGHT if they want decent conditions for the students, decent books, decent teachers. Also, Black people still have to be concerned with how we are perceived based on our appearance, our speech, our hair, our culture in terms of job opportunities. Strides have been made but the major concerns STILL exist. Thank God for the work that has been done - but the negative effect of the Civil Rights Movement is the complacency that currently pervades. This phase of complacency is dangerous but I believe it's gonna to come to an end soon enough.

Reading about the Supreme Court's decision today striking down integration efforts in Kentucky and Washington just further supports my feeling. Our backs will be put back against the wall but in a different way. The Supreme Court of the 50's and the 60's were so INTEGRAL to the strides the Civil Rights Movement made - because as deftly as the NAACP argued for rights to an equal education for the youth back then, if the Court wanted to uphold separate-but-equal in terms of education opportunities, they could have. Based on my studies, the Court has issued many decisions to uphold or strike down one thing or the next based not so much on legal reasoning and public policy but just to come to an end that supported their own political positions. If you read the decision of Plessy v. Ferguson (which set the stupid separate-but-equal precedent in the first place) you might see what I mean. I wouldn't call them civil rights activists or anything - but the people sitting on the Supreme Court at the time of Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka et. al. did so much to benefit the movement that most people just DO NOT recognize. The Court helped uplift the movement in a crucial way, and the Court of today is likely to do much to suppress our people. I intend to read the decision to examine the reasoning used - based on the article I read the Court is saying (in a 5-4 decision, the 4 being the liberals sitting on the court) that in order to obtain racial diversity schools have to use race-neutral means? Hmm?

Anyway, a change is gonna come. I think a lot of sh*t will go down before it happens though - unfortunately but fortunately. And the leaders are already here - they haven't emerged yet - but they will soon enough.

More on this later. Just noting this down has me inspired to write.

Word usage.

2007-06-26T12:26:00.000-04:00

Some try.
Others do.
Which of these are you?
Is your dream a potentiality
To which you've assigned a maybe -
Or is it already in pursuit -
A destination to which you're on route?
The difference here is more than semantic.
The perspective you take influences your tactics.
And a mere try comes with no guarantee
But when you do you are likely to succeed.

© 2007 Patricia B.

Icicle

2007-06-25T22:46:00.000-04:00

The thought of approaching you makes my blood run cold. And I don't know why, because usually I have no problem being bold - I go for what I want and clearly I want you. But I think it's a result of what I've been told - that men are scared away and won't have much to say when a woman takes initiative and makes the first move - waiting for you to speak is what a lady should do. But since when did I care for propriety? Why should I wait for you to approach me? Why take that chance when there's more of a guarantee of you speaking to me if I say something first?

While all that's true, I still feel like an icicle when you pass my way. Now how hard could it be to just say "hey I've seen you around and I really love your smile I think your eyes are beautiful I really dig your style - where do you shop?" Hmmm. Maybe I should just hop on over the next time I see you in that same place - but will those words come out of my mouth when I gaze on your face? Oh how I love to gaze at you - strong nosed, full lipped, bright brown eyed, chocolate dipped but still you manage a ruddy glow - expressive with your eyes and a smile that forms slow and evokes peace - and makes me want take a piece of you wherever I go.

Now here you come, walking into my purview. If only I could say a quick "how do you do" - but I don't. And I won't - I just watch as you sit in your familiar spot and chat with the guys with whom you always chat - and its funny because as hot as you are, I freeze at your sight and I realize now that it might be obvious that I'm watching you. One of your boys is giving me the eye really hard - and now I just want to fly when I see your friend walk up and say "Hi. I've seen you around - and you're just so pretty - I wanted to meet you. I'm Sam." What the bloody hell?

And then I see you looking in our direction as I melt.

Damn!

You couldn't have known.

2007-06-21T15:19:00.001-04:00

I have been suffering from serious writer's block these past two weeks. Ugh.

There's a short story I'm working on - started it maybe a month ago and finally made some really good progress on it and then WHAM! Blocked. Started some poems here and there and then WHAM! something comes up and I have to let them linger. Ugh.

It's interesting though because in the past two weeks I've been so busy living it up in the city: I've started a new fabulous internship - I've met/dated a man or two - I've swooned over at least one - I've got over both of them - I've shopped - I've scrimped - I've networked - I've partied - I've ate out. So I've been having fun. But something about solstices/equinoxes always makes me feel renewed - so it's fitting that on the summer solstice, I jump back into my writing efforts.

I guess living it up a little has now given me something to write about or at least a reason to write. I'm feeling inspired to write a little something based on/inspired by the Motherland - don't know what or how or when - but there will be something. The inspiration started with one of the guys I've met/dated/swooned/got over in the past two weeks - a highly intellectual man from Mali who does work involving issues on the continent and (of course) is very passionate about the work he does.

Ok. Maybe I haven't gotten over him. But I don't feel that oomph I initially felt for him anymore. Whatever. That's a whole 'nother story.

Another source of the inspiration is the latest issue of Vanity Fair:

(Edit: There once was a picture of Iman and Alicia Keys here. A lovely photo.)

Isn't that picture of Iman GORGEOUS? She's one of my fashion icons (the others are Phylicia Rashad as Clair Huxtable, Dorothy Dandridge as Carmen Jones, and Janie from "Their Eyes Were Watching God"). To me, Iman personifies elegance. But I digress.

I love that cover but I didn't buy the magazine with her on it. I bought it - I felt I had to buy it - when I saw this:

That's right. Good ol' GW, Condi and the word "AFRICA" across the bottom is why I bought it. I don't read VF that often but I wanted to see what VF was trying to say putting THEM on a cover of their magazine! Quiet as it's sort-of kept, GW and Condi have done a bit to help efforts in the Motherland, which is interesting to me considering that GW actually called Africa a country once (True story. This was way back tho - very early in his first term). There's PEPFAR (the President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief)- which is great. And aid to Sub-Saharan Africa has increased since he's become President. I'm sort of skeptical of the editor's decision to put them on the cover - but I guess you really can't knock their efforts, so why not big them up? There are 20 of these covers total. (Check them out on VF's website. The series is pretty cool).

The overwhelming majority of the issue is dedicated to issues pervading the continent. It's a great issue - has me considering a subscription to the magazine - and has me thinking about my heritage.

Ok, so a bit more about your humble blogger:

I was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY but my family (both parents) are from Jamaica. My mother's mother was born in Cuba and my mother's father is from lord knows where, but apparently is/was mixed with Chinese. My mother never knew her father. My father's parents were both Jamaican but at least one, if not both, are of East Indian descent. I say at least one because I KNOW based on my grandmother's maiden name that she's Indian. My grandfather's last name - which is my last name - is as British as it gets. The last name thing doesn't mean anything though - there are plenty of Indians with Anglophone last names. My mother (who never met my grandfather) always said that my grandfather was black - but I have heard otherwise - and looking at my father and his whole siblings you wouldn't know that they were anything but Indian (he does have a half-sister that's pretty dark skinned though. Who knows.) And if you saw my face, you'd know I have a lot of East Indian in me too.

Appearances aside, it's pretty hard to deny that I come from a melange of ethnic/racial groups - I just am unclear as to who came to what country when, from what tribe/clan they came from - and so forth. How did it all come together to create me?

To anyone reading this who is unfamiliar with the history of the West Indies: please don't perceive my background as that unique. It's not. There are plenty of people of Black/Indian/Cuban/Chinese/Other descent running around the Caribbean, particularly in the British West Indies. One of the best things to come from European imperialism is the fusion of ethnicities that resulted in the West Indies. You can taste it in our food, feel it in our music, hear it in our dialects, and see it in our beautiful faces.

So in case you didn't know: I am one the greatest results of European imperialism.

Ooooh!!! I'm inspired! Off to write.

Warning (A Portrait)

2007-06-05T13:01:00.000-04:00

She's a beautiful threat.
While you sleep, she stays up late nights
honing her talents,
polishing them like precious stones.
She tends to sparkle when she speaks.
Her words can transmit luminescence in the dark;
they blind those not ready for the glare.
Often restless, she runs after her dreams -
catches them and colors her reality with their hues,
the majestic swirls of their vibrancy abound her.
She often confuses and astounds
those more grounded, for though
she walks the earth like you, she flies away free
from expectations placed on her and
weighty criticism which could crush you.
She lives her life as she chooses
and is never concerned about losing,
for her heart is secure in God.
Her happiness is a matter only for Him and
she's aware that He carries her daily,
so she walks, often alone, unabashed, unafraid.
She tends to be regarded as wise beyond her age
yet she knows her mind has no limits based on years
and maturity is never quite linked with visage
So she balks at being called an old soul.
She digs deep at all times, but will cater to
her shallower matters until she finds satisfaction.
She believes her outside has to match her inside
so on sight, she can seem mired in conceit -
but she's confident in her blessings
and wouldn't be afraid to tell you that she's
great of mind, heart, and face -
an effort in appearance couldn't be a waste for her.
And she might not be able to beat you with brute force
but she's a threat to you anyway.
She's stalwart when she's committed -
loyalty's bounds are tested in her connections -
no one but she can break her bonds.
She'll see right through any trickery if you try it.
She deciphers the gems from the disgenuous
and this most of all tends to scare others
because she has a way to see right through.
So, this is to warn you - be prepared for
the might of her mind and beauty of her soul.
It will sneak up on you.
It's never obvious right away
But if you're not ready,
you'll be left in her path like the others -
Blazed.

26 lessons learned during my first 25 years of life.

2007-05-27T16:27:00.000-04:00

This past Mother's Day I not only celebrated my mother but also celebrated the day she became a mother, i.e. my 25th birthday. Since then I have been thinking about all the life lessons I've gained these past 25 years - and decided to write down some of the major ones. I could probably think of a few more, but this about sums up the major lessons learned thus far...

1. Although your parents are to be revered - they are people, just like everyone else - thus not less or more susceptible of making mistakes, doing stupid things, etc.

2. One's criticism of you has as much impact and power over you as you allow - and most people's criticisms are not worth allowing any impact or power over your life.

3. A set back is a set up for a comeback if you use the opportunity wisely.

4. Money is important, but it's not most important above your God, your family, your friends or your overall well-being.

5. Even if things seem clear - if you know there's a chance they might not be, ask for clarification anyway.

6. When at work and given something to do - if you are unsure about it, ask. It's always better to be the girl that asks too many questions but gets the job done than the girl who always f-cks up.

7. Never let anyone else define your worth - explicitly or implicitly. And be on the lookout for those who try to define it implicitly.

8. Being in a relationship with a man who clearly takes you for granted is nonsense. If that becomes the situation in the relationship, at least address the situation to him. If things don't seem to change, don't hesitate to let it go.

9. Learning from mistakes (whether yours or others) is easier said than done but at least you have to try.

10. When it comes to job hunting, money should not be your main priority. Otherwise, you might end up being paid very well to make your life miserable.

11. Mental health breaks are necessary when your life is jam-packed. Never deny yourself the opportunity to take them.

12. Throwing away/avoiding bills is not an effective strategy in getting rid of them. No matter how hard you try, them bad boys WILL come back to you.

13. Perseverance is key... to just about everything. You might not get it when you want it but if you persevere and persist - you'll get it.

14. Patience is easily attained if you just focus on the rewards patience can bring.

15. The most physically unattractive people can suddenly become quite appealing with a healthy dose of confidence and positivity. Likewise, the most physically attractive people become rather unappealing with a healthy dose of low self-esteem and negativity. And these doses don't have to be outwardly visible or boasted - if they're there, then they'll have their affects on your attractiveness.

16. The notion that "opposites attract" really only applies to magnets. People are not magnets. You might find yourself briefly attracted to someone who opposes you greatly in some fashion, but it likely won't last long.

17. Comparisons of ourselves to others - whether we or someone else is making the comparison - is a waste of time and just eats away at self-esteem. If I base my worth on how I match up to someone else then I am going to fall short at least some of the time - if not most of the time. What I have done and what I've accomplished is mine and is not diminished simply because the next person who appears to have as many capabilities as I do has just done more and accomplished more.

18. Ambition means nothing without focus.

19. People who make a huge deal about "keeping it real" or "not being about bullshit" - especially when they first meet you - tend to be HUGE bullshitters. Beware.

20. Eating right and regularly exercising improves not only your body - but your mind and your spirit.

21. Interactions with other people are rarely limited to the circumstances that outwardly surround the interaction - usually there are things, circumstances, etc. in that person's life beyond your purview that are probably impacting the interaction, and vice versa. So you may never completely know why people will act/react to you the way they do.

22. We are all intuitive creatures. Some of us are just more in tune with our intuition than others.

23. Prayer is so necessary.

24. God really does have your back if you believe in Him, have faith in Him and learn not to lean on your own understanding. You will always be taken care of. Things always work out for the best.

25. Our upbringing has as much impact on shaping the people we become as we allow. At many points in our lives we make decisions, whether we realize it or not, to follow or reject the things we're taught as children. Given that our parents are people too (and thus, likely to make mistakes, do stupid things, etc.), this is a good thing.

26. Staking my happiness on anything on this earth (people, especially) is just a way to delay suffering. My happiness is solely a matter between me and my God. (And I must say, this is probably one of the most important things I've learned in life so far. And I have been happy with my life since - despite life's highs and lows, nothing or no one can steal my joy.)

#1

2007-05-24T00:53:00.000-04:00

To be real, I don't have a clue where I want to go with this blog. I already have another blog where I write about the randomness that is my life so it's not likely I'm gonna have two blogs like that. However I am looking for somewhere to just jot down my writing ideas, some pieces I'm working on, etc. So this might be where all that goes. Who knows?

I also have a passion for fashion - I dont tend to talk about that too much in my other blog, so that might just go here too.

A brief overview of your humble blogger: I'm a law student, about to start my fourth (and final!!) year. I love to read and write and do anything that involves words really - I'm a big time logophile. I sort of put my writing to the side when I started law school but have recently delved back into writing and am currently working on developing my skill. As previously mentioned, I love fashion - and bargain hunting. I loves me a cheap store that carries designer wares (e.g. Target, Payless). I also love music - and btw a part of what even brings me to Blogger are all the great music blogs on this site (which I guess I'll link eventually).

Here's a piece of mine that I like:

Men!

More to come...