Just A Thought (On Talent)

Talent is not so much about your God given ability
More so about your drive,
and having the opportunity
To put your gift to good use -
Your willingness to work hard
And follow through,
And the strength of your belief
That changing the world with your talent
Is what you were put here to do.

© 2008 Patricia B.

---

Ever since Friday the 14th, at about 530 in the evening, I've been thinking about just what I was put here to do. You see - I failed the bar exam in July - and at the moment I found out I failed, I questioned my decision to take it in the first place and the decision I made back in college to start the journey towards becoming an attorney. I love to write - I live to write and as of late, I write to live. I love words. And I am passionate about helping people and "changing the world." All of that doesn't necessarily mean I need to be an attorney - but it sure helps. I questioned my decision the moment I found out my result but then I shut that question down - I just don't believe, I KNOW what I was meant to do and I also know that my impact on the world won't be dealt with a singular blow.

So I'm taking the bar exam in February. I deemed today to be the day I'd really head into my studies with full force - but it didn't happen. I bought a new handbag from Daffy's and contemplated my talents, and my drive, and my need for success.

Here's the quote that helped me start my day and will be on my mind as I focus on studying tomorrow:

The only thing that separates successful people from the ones who aren't is the willingness to work very, very hard.
-- Helen Gurley Brown

An exercise on reality.

We make things more complicated than they need to be and it's usually the result of our thoughts. I know I am guilty of this - but I strive to break away from it. Recently I've had a number of conversations with friends, acquaintances and the like, about things that wouldn't be so complicated if they just stopped thinking about it - or overthinking - or worrying about whatever it was we discussed. I think I needed to have these conversations because I needed to be shown how I do the same from time to time - and how to do it less.

We all need to "think" in a sense - as I write this, I'm engaging in a thought process - but we, as human beings don't spend enough time just "being" - living in the now, being aware of our presence and reality, and acting accordingly. It gets to the point where our thoughts distract us from our reality - and it is when we reach this point we make things more complicated than they are. You may believe that your thoughts reflect your reality - but not quite. Once you move beyond a point of acknowledgment and understanding of present circumstances, every other thought you think of your situation is a distraction from your reality. It's not always a bad thing to be distracted from present circumstances - you might need the distraction from time to time. It just seems that we live in a constant stream of thought that can carry us away from reality and bring us to places like worry, fear, anxiety, delusion, hubris, sadness, obsession, etc - abstractions of reality. It then takes something or someone to provide a reality check - to bring us "back to earth." And sometimes those reality checks come with unfortunate circumstances.

If you need an example, consider Eliot Spitzer - who has spent his career as Attorney General, and then Governor of New York as a politician who prided himself on eliminating fraud and corruption. The reality is that he was as corrupt as the entities he targeted - and it took a mundane tax inquiry by the IRS to set his reality check in motion. I don't know him (of course) but I'm sure that he was always aware that was he was doing was as salacious as the activities he sought to end - and who couldn't see the hypocrisy in that? But he continued, likely motivated by some stream of thoughts that led him to justify what he was doing (my guess is that he suffers from a deal of hubris) - and in continuing to do so, probably thought he wouldn't get caught. The reality on February 13, and still is now, is that everything we do, even if you are the Governor of New York is traceable, especially in this day and age - ESPECIALLY when it involves monetary transactions and ESPECIALLY(!!) when it involves the account of the Governor of New York. At the point when he decided to withdraw that $2000 from his account for the prostitute's services, was he acting as someone aware of reality?

I think the world would be a better place if we did a little less thinking and a lot more "being" - not mindlessness, but being mindful of our presence in this world, and the reality in which we exist.

(And I intend to write something a bit more creative about this topic - but I needed to work out my thoughts first. Hence the exercise.)

Necessary concepts.

To achieve lasting literature, fictional or factual, a writer needs perceptive vision, absorptive capacity, and creative strength.
Lawrence Clark Powell (emphasis mine)

I think the same goes for poetry too. At any rate, I've been striving for all three without ever really conceptualizing my aims as a writer - until this morning.

And so I'd like to thank the good people at Google who decided it was a good idea to add the brainyquotes feed to the webclips section of my account! If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have probably come across this - never even knew this man existed until I saw another one of his quotes at the top of my page when I logged in:

Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow. - LCP

And that's what I do.

To my heroes.

This one is for you:
For those who stand with clarity
While all around you falter, confounded.
For those who emanate peace and understanding -
This one is for you.
For those who know the secret to love
that all else searches for -
Who attracts others with the glow
from that sweet love of humanity
that you've somehow acquired -
This one is for you.
For those who inspire others with wisdom and
Walk a hard road shod with courage.
Who knows the way to destiny,
And gives the directions to others frequently -
This one is for you.
You, who effortlessly are the paradigm
We strive to follow.
Who by virtue of who you are
Inspire generations and mold actions.
For those who utter the words
to which others cling -
This one is for you.
For those who strive for more
Despite success already achieved,
Who knows that in the light of God's grace
that life is a process meant to be filled with progress.
Because you inspire me so,
This one is for you.
I hope you like it.
(I really do.)
© 2007 Patricia B.

---
A few weeks ago, I had a dream that I was entering step 2 of the pursuit of my writing career: performing my work. The fact that performing is important to my writing may not make sense, but it is important - for it is an important way to share the things I write, to promote myself and my work. It is also something that I am still currently VERY NERVOUS about doing. I have never read any of my poetry or other written pieces aloud for a captive audience (apart from anything I've ever done for a creative writing or English class).

So in this dream I had a few weeks ago I was conquering step 2. The piece I performed in this dream approximates the poem above. (As soon as I woke up I grabbed my journal and started scribbling whatever I could remember from it.) The poem that I use to conquer my fear and reach a goal in my dream is about my heroes - I don't know quite what that means, but I'm sure some meaning can be culled from that.

The dream itself ended by me saying the last two lines of the poem above. I'm not sure if that was really supposed to be in the poem as I dreamed it, or if it was just a mere expression of hope that the audience liked my poem. It was probably both. I'll never know if the audience in my dream liked my poem, but I do hope you like it. I really do.

Unstable.

Before leaving for work today I caught the first 10 minutes of The View, who introduced comedian Sherri Shepherd as their new co-host (YAY! I like her on the show). I'm glad I caught it, because even though she has been on that show as a temporary co-host many times, today was the day they officially introduced her and showed a segment about her background, how she got into comedy etc. It's a pretty cool story - one that involves a huge leap of faith which clearly is working out for her - and she said something that struck a chord with me...

So she was a legal secretary out in Beverly Hills when she was thinking of going into comedy and did a few shows here and there - but wasn't sure if she should go into it with full force because being a comic is so unstable - but then someone reminded her: "if it was about stability, then you wouldn't have faith."

So true!! I think I needed to hear that this morning. I can't be scared of what can be or what will be, because there is no real way to guarantee an outcome. You just never know. I can't let fear or the unknown stop me from going after what I want.

If life was about stability, then I wouldn't need faith.

(And in case you didn't know, this blog in a way has been all about me stepping out on faith. I am going after my writing career. You can call this step 1.)

In appreciation.

Since refocusing on my writing these past few months, I've learned just how necessary support from others is and will continue to be as I develop as a writer.

It took a bit of support and encouragement from others to even get back into the game. Back in February, after realizing that I actually went for years without penning a single verse, jumping back into writing that had nothing to do with the law was merely a thought. The more I thought about it, the more I kept finding inspiration and support - quite a few people nudged me here and there and by March I was focused. Months later I feel like I've actually grown a bit as a writer - and I see how crucial support has been to that growth. Before my writing hiatus it just never dawned on me that feedback on my work would ever be that important to me, I suppose because my writing comes mostly from my personal experience and observations. But then before my writing hiatus I wasn't ever focused on writing as a career. Having other perspectives helps because my work now has an audience of more than one - at the very least, it helps me keep that in mind.... The votes of confidence also have helped me at the times when I didn't feel so confident!

So yes, to those who support what I do, this is just to say thank you from the bottom of my heart and from the carpel tunnel that has developed in my hands and arms from all the writing I've been doing!

And speaking of support, I just want to show some support to some of the most talented of those who support me: Mr. Vilson (a man of many talents - an educator and a poet - and also the RainTiger Poetry Cafe's Spotlight Poet for the month for August! Yaaaaaaay!!!) and Mr. Baptiste (also a man of many talents, and aside from his own music he's one third of the trio Brooknology - a mix of fresh beats, intelligent rhymes, soulful spoken word AND Brooklyn! Incidentally, he was one of the first to nudge me towards my writing earlier this year.) Both are doing big things and are definitely destined for greatness.... and it means a lot to me that people of their talent respect what I do. Check them out!

That reminds me - a long time ago Jose shouted me out on his blog and tagged me to do The Fours... and since he asked so nicely, here I go:

Four jobs I’ve had

Secretary-to-Judge
Paralegal
Preceptor (Rutgers College's word for a Resident Assistant)
Cashier at Burger King

Four movies I can watch over and over
Coming to America
Hairspray (the 2007 version)
Friday
Shrek

Four places I’ve lived
Brooklyn, NY
Jersey City, NJ
Piscataway, NJ
In my mind (I'm a big time day dreamer)

Four TV shows I love
The Simpsons
South Park
The Cosby Show
Sex and The City

Four places I’ve vacationed
Jamaica, WI
London, UK
Miami, FL
Cozumel, Mexico

Four of my favorite dishes
Jerk chicken w/mac and cheese (from my jerk chicken spot only though!)
Oxtail w/rice and peas
Ackee and Saltfish (it's the Jamaican national dish for a reason)
Carrot cake and Cinnamon ice cream (does this count as a meal?)

Four sites I visit daily
Xanga
Yahoo News
Facebook
Gmail

Four places I would rather be right now
(frankly, nowhere but BROOKLYN, but …)
London, UK (my best friend is there and I haven't seen her in so long...)
Kingston, JA (only because of my family, otherwise I wouldn't - JA is a hot damn mess right now in the aftermath of Hurricane Dean.)
Silver Spring, MD (once again, b/c of family. Otherwise I don't know what the hell is out there!)
Asleep (where I will be in a few...)

You couldn't have known.

I have been suffering from serious writer's block these past two weeks. Ugh.

There's a short story I'm working on - started it maybe a month ago and finally made some really good progress on it and then WHAM! Blocked. Started some poems here and there and then WHAM! something comes up and I have to let them linger. Ugh.

It's interesting though because in the past two weeks I've been so busy living it up in the city: I've started a new fabulous internship - I've met/dated a man or two - I've swooned over at least one - I've got over both of them - I've shopped - I've scrimped - I've networked - I've partied - I've ate out. So I've been having fun. But something about solstices/equinoxes always makes me feel renewed - so it's fitting that on the summer solstice, I jump back into my writing efforts.

I guess living it up a little has now given me something to write about or at least a reason to write. I'm feeling inspired to write a little something based on/inspired by the Motherland - don't know what or how or when - but there will be something. The inspiration started with one of the guys I've met/dated/swooned/got over in the past two weeks - a highly intellectual man from Mali who does work involving issues on the continent and (of course) is very passionate about the work he does.

Ok. Maybe I haven't gotten over him. But I don't feel that oomph I initially felt for him anymore. Whatever. That's a whole 'nother story.

Another source of the inspiration is the latest issue of Vanity Fair:

(Edit: There once was a picture of Iman and Alicia Keys here. A lovely photo.)

Isn't that picture of Iman GORGEOUS? She's one of my fashion icons (the others are Phylicia Rashad as Clair Huxtable, Dorothy Dandridge as Carmen Jones, and Janie from "Their Eyes Were Watching God"). To me, Iman personifies elegance. But I digress.

I love that cover but I didn't buy the magazine with her on it. I bought it - I felt I had to buy it - when I saw this:



That's right. Good ol' GW, Condi and the word "AFRICA" across the bottom is why I bought it. I don't read VF that often but I wanted to see what VF was trying to say putting THEM on a cover of their magazine! Quiet as it's sort-of kept, GW and Condi have done a bit to help efforts in the Motherland, which is interesting to me considering that GW actually called Africa a country once (True story. This was way back tho - very early in his first term). There's PEPFAR (the President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief)- which is great. And aid to Sub-Saharan Africa has increased since he's become President. I'm sort of skeptical of the editor's decision to put them on the cover - but I guess you really can't knock their efforts, so why not big them up? There are 20 of these covers total. (Check them out on VF's website. The series is pretty cool).

The overwhelming majority of the issue is dedicated to issues pervading the continent. It's a great issue - has me considering a subscription to the magazine - and has me thinking about my heritage.

Ok, so a bit more about your humble blogger:

I was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY but my family (both parents) are from Jamaica. My mother's mother was born in Cuba and my mother's father is from lord knows where, but apparently is/was mixed with Chinese. My mother never knew her father. My father's parents were both Jamaican but at least one, if not both, are of East Indian descent. I say at least one because I KNOW based on my grandmother's maiden name that she's Indian. My grandfather's last name - which is my last name - is as British as it gets. The last name thing doesn't mean anything though - there are plenty of Indians with Anglophone last names. My mother (who never met my grandfather) always said that my grandfather was black - but I have heard otherwise - and looking at my father and his whole siblings you wouldn't know that they were anything but Indian (he does have a half-sister that's pretty dark skinned though. Who knows.) And if you saw my face, you'd know I have a lot of East Indian in me too.

Appearances aside, it's pretty hard to deny that I come from a melange of ethnic/racial groups - I just am unclear as to who came to what country when, from what tribe/clan they came from - and so forth. How did it all come together to create me?

To anyone reading this who is unfamiliar with the history of the West Indies: please don't perceive my background as that unique. It's not. There are plenty of people of Black/Indian/Cuban/Chinese/Other descent running around the Caribbean, particularly in the British West Indies. One of the best things to come from European imperialism is the fusion of ethnicities that resulted in the West Indies. You can taste it in our food, feel it in our music, hear it in our dialects, and see it in our beautiful faces.

So in case you didn't know: I am one the greatest results of European imperialism.

Ooooh!!! I'm inspired! Off to write.

26 lessons learned during my first 25 years of life.

This past Mother's Day I not only celebrated my mother but also celebrated the day she became a mother, i.e. my 25th birthday. Since then I have been thinking about all the life lessons I've gained these past 25 years - and decided to write down some of the major ones. I could probably think of a few more, but this about sums up the major lessons learned thus far...

1. Although your parents are to be revered - they are people, just like everyone else - thus not less or more susceptible of making mistakes, doing stupid things, etc.

2. One's criticism of you has as much impact and power over you as you allow - and most people's criticisms are not worth allowing any impact or power over your life.

3. A set back is a set up for a comeback if you use the opportunity wisely.

4. Money is important, but it's not most important above your God, your family, your friends or your overall well-being.

5. Even if things seem clear - if you know there's a chance they might not be, ask for clarification anyway.

6. When at work and given something to do - if you are unsure about it, ask. It's always better to be the girl that asks too many questions but gets the job done than the girl who always f-cks up.

7. Never let anyone else define your worth - explicitly or implicitly. And be on the lookout for those who try to define it implicitly.

8. Being in a relationship with a man who clearly takes you for granted is nonsense. If that becomes the situation in the relationship, at least address the situation to him. If things don't seem to change, don't hesitate to let it go.

9. Learning from mistakes (whether yours or others) is easier said than done but at least you have to try.

10. When it comes to job hunting, money should not be your main priority. Otherwise, you might end up being paid very well to make your life miserable.

11. Mental health breaks are necessary when your life is jam-packed. Never deny yourself the opportunity to take them.

12. Throwing away/avoiding bills is not an effective strategy in getting rid of them. No matter how hard you try, them bad boys WILL come back to you.

13. Perseverance is key... to just about everything. You might not get it when you want it but if you persevere and persist - you'll get it.

14. Patience is easily attained if you just focus on the rewards patience can bring.

15. The most physically unattractive people can suddenly become quite appealing with a healthy dose of confidence and positivity. Likewise, the most physically attractive people become rather unappealing with a healthy dose of low self-esteem and negativity. And these doses don't have to be outwardly visible or boasted - if they're there, then they'll have their affects on your attractiveness.

16. The notion that "opposites attract" really only applies to magnets. People are not magnets. You might find yourself briefly attracted to someone who opposes you greatly in some fashion, but it likely won't last long.

17. Comparisons of ourselves to others - whether we or someone else is making the comparison - is a waste of time and just eats away at self-esteem. If I base my worth on how I match up to someone else then I am going to fall short at least some of the time - if not most of the time. What I have done and what I've accomplished is mine and is not diminished simply because the next person who appears to have as many capabilities as I do has just done more and accomplished more.

18. Ambition means nothing without focus.

19. People who make a huge deal about "keeping it real" or "not being about bullshit" - especially when they first meet you - tend to be HUGE bullshitters. Beware.

20. Eating right and regularly exercising improves not only your body - but your mind and your spirit.

21. Interactions with other people are rarely limited to the circumstances that outwardly surround the interaction - usually there are things, circumstances, etc. in that person's life beyond your purview that are probably impacting the interaction, and vice versa. So you may never completely know why people will act/react to you the way they do.

22. We are all intuitive creatures. Some of us are just more in tune with our intuition than others.

23. Prayer is so necessary.

24. God really does have your back if you believe in Him, have faith in Him and learn not to lean on your own understanding. You will always be taken care of. Things always work out for the best.

25. Our upbringing has as much impact on shaping the people we become as we allow. At many points in our lives we make decisions, whether we realize it or not, to follow or reject the things we're taught as children. Given that our parents are people too (and thus, likely to make mistakes, do stupid things, etc.), this is a good thing.

26. Staking my happiness on anything on this earth (people, especially) is just a way to delay suffering. My happiness is solely a matter between me and my God. (And I must say, this is probably one of the most important things I've learned in life so far. And I have been happy with my life since - despite life's highs and lows, nothing or no one can steal my joy.)

#1

To be real, I don't have a clue where I want to go with this blog. I already have another blog where I write about the randomness that is my life so it's not likely I'm gonna have two blogs like that. However I am looking for somewhere to just jot down my writing ideas, some pieces I'm working on, etc. So this might be where all that goes. Who knows?

I also have a passion for fashion - I dont tend to talk about that too much in my other blog, so that might just go here too.

A brief overview of your humble blogger: I'm a law student, about to start my fourth (and final!!) year. I love to read and write and do anything that involves words really - I'm a big time logophile. I sort of put my writing to the side when I started law school but have recently delved back into writing and am currently working on developing my skill. As previously mentioned, I love fashion - and bargain hunting. I loves me a cheap store that carries designer wares (e.g. Target, Payless). I also love music - and btw a part of what even brings me to Blogger are all the great music blogs on this site (which I guess I'll link eventually).

Here's a piece of mine that I like:

Men!

I love men.
I love a man with big broad shoulders and strong arms-
I love a man with not-so-broad shoulders and not-so-strong arms but can still knock this broad off her feet - no problem-
I love a man with confidence-
I love a man with insecurities-
I love a man confident enough to show his insecurities-
I love to make a man feel good in the ways only a man can feel good-
I love to make a man feel good in the ways anybody can feel good-
I love making love to a man -
I love f*cking a man -
I love the differences between me and a man:
I love how the differences frustrate me
I love how the differences excite me
I love how the differences feel to me - they fulfill me .
I love when a man makes me feel good-
I love when I have to show a man how to make me feel good - and he doesn't mind-
I love when a man shares their mind with me-
I love when a man shares their soul with me - their spirit with me-
I love when a man shares their body with me - short or tall, big or small
I love a man with bright eyes and full lips-
I love a man with piercing eyes and small lips-
I love a man who loves to take me by the hips and kiss me-
I love a man who knows how to kiss me-
I love a man who pays attention and never misses the important days-
I love a man who is consistently wonderful - Sunday to Saturday -
I love a man who isn't afraid to go after what they want-
I love a man who takes risks-
I love a man who knows when not be risky-
I love a man who uplifts me-
I love a man who teaches me-
I love a man who challenges to the point it drives me crazy-
I love a man who forces me to grow-
I love a man who makes me want to grow-
I love a man who loves to learn-
I love a man who handles his business and is not concerned about how much I earn-
I love a man who respects me-
I love a man who treats me like royalty-
I love a man who only deserves the royal treatment-
I love a man who I can trust with my secrets-
I love a man who can understands when I just can't deal-
I love a man who, with a word or a touch or a kiss - can heal...
I love a man who speaks, touches and kisses me sincerely-
I just love men... so dearly...

© 2007 Patricia B.

More to come...