Just A Thought (On Talent)

Talent is not so much about your God given ability
More so about your drive,
and having the opportunity
To put your gift to good use -
Your willingness to work hard
And follow through,
And the strength of your belief
That changing the world with your talent
Is what you were put here to do.

© 2008 Patricia B.

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Ever since Friday the 14th, at about 530 in the evening, I've been thinking about just what I was put here to do. You see - I failed the bar exam in July - and at the moment I found out I failed, I questioned my decision to take it in the first place and the decision I made back in college to start the journey towards becoming an attorney. I love to write - I live to write and as of late, I write to live. I love words. And I am passionate about helping people and "changing the world." All of that doesn't necessarily mean I need to be an attorney - but it sure helps. I questioned my decision the moment I found out my result but then I shut that question down - I just don't believe, I KNOW what I was meant to do and I also know that my impact on the world won't be dealt with a singular blow.

So I'm taking the bar exam in February. I deemed today to be the day I'd really head into my studies with full force - but it didn't happen. I bought a new handbag from Daffy's and contemplated my talents, and my drive, and my need for success.

Here's the quote that helped me start my day and will be on my mind as I focus on studying tomorrow:

The only thing that separates successful people from the ones who aren't is the willingness to work very, very hard.
-- Helen Gurley Brown

From one pedestrian to another.

It began as a matter of happenstance:
You walked in my direction
And I saw you glance at my frame
as you passed my way,
to cross the at the intersection of Chemistry and Missed Chance.
But the Don't Walk (away from her) sign flashed
and you dashed back
to find me on the corner of Love and Circumstance.
I saw you approach as the intersection's light flashed white
The streets were clear for us to cross the corner
And I'm glad for the turn we took thereafter.

© 2008 Patricia B.

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Things for me to do when on a study break from the bar exam:
1. Have a really good meal with a good friend and his friend
2. Watch my favorite movie
3. Write a poem inspired by a line that pops into my head while studying the answers to Contracts MBE questions

(But I probably shouldn't do them all in the same day...)

Whatever. I'm going to bed.

I'm so over the bar exam!

Lacking the words.

The way you make me feel defies the English language.
I'm not in love with you, yet, I find to say "I like you"
greatly understates just how I feel.
Emotions and feelings are not neat and tidy things I guess
and thus probably shouldn't fit so neatly into categories -
And so I can't be surprised to find that
My vocabulary is lacking and dictionaries have been no help.
Great writers - greater than I - have written on emotion
and they too, I've found, haven't found the words that
quite capture the quality of emotion that I feel for you.
Maybe it's because you and I, unique beings we are,
have managed to have a connection that has followed suit.
A unique situation has lead to a common problem however -
Because I know I'm not the first and I won't be the last -
To hold on to my feelings for way too long,
But it's simply because I can't find the words.

(Ok, so maybe it's not that simple.)

© 2008 Patricia B.

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So here's the thing about my life at this present moment:
1- I haven't written anything decent in months and I've been feeling the effects of that.
2- My life has been COMPLETELY overtaken by the bar exam! It's like a completely overbearing and demanding boyfriend/husband/child - it needs constant attention - it's somewhat abusive and it's definitely controlling.

I was talking to a friend recently about ambition and she told me about an interview she saw with Madonna once. Apparently, when the interviewer asked Madonna about ambition, her response was something to the effect of "If not doing it wouldn't make you die - then don't do it."

Since my convo with my friend I've been thinking about my goals - especially in light of what I'm currently undertaking - and I know that while doing everything it will take for me to be a licensed attorney is what's right for me according to the Madonna standard - writing is just as right. And I've missed it - hence the above poem which I had the urge to jot down as I woke up this morning. There are some things that have to be said - some words that just need to be written down - for better or for worse.