Unbelievable

The problem is that I don't believe in it anymore.
I've been working in its pursuit for awhile, and I've become jaded.
I didn't plan on ending my quest for it anytime soon
And I planned on pursuing it on a higher plane
But my lack of belief is preventing me from moving forward.
So it feels like I should just let the dream go altogether.
But then, I'm not a quitter.
I'm tough and I'm focused and
I survive and I persevere and
Point blank, I'm stubborn.
And so while letting it go
Goes against who I am,
Not being myself
Feels remarkably preferable.
But who am I to abort my mission?
Who am I discard my dream?
My mission - my dream -
given to me long ago.
A gift - a blessing -
What and why I kept on going.
And now that I'm in the thick of things -
In the midst of the hardest time so far -
With harder times to come -
When I need to believe the vision of the dream the most
I find that I just don't.
And I don't understand why my mission was given to me.
And my dream is sickened by present reality,
Maybe hoping for a renewal in vitality.
It once looked so vibrant and full of life.
But now it appears dimly, wheezing
Telling the same story of the future -
But merely echoing its former voice.
Nothing I do to strengthen it seems to help.
Why should I keep such a sickly thing?
Shouldn't a dream inspire energy?
This dream saps my resolve - it drains me.
And the vision of the dream as a reality
Is remarkably unbelievable.

© 2008 Patricia B.

A thought at 2AM:

My dreams carry me through
when I'm bound in doubt.
When my thoughts do me in
my dreams pull me out.
Visions of future greatness
will keep in focus with clarity,
as long as I'm not turned astray
while turning visions into reality.
© 2008 Patricia B.

--
I guess I could make this longer - I could extrapolate on the general idea but damnit, it's really 2 in the morning.

In order to dream, I need sleep!