Unbelievable

The problem is that I don't believe in it anymore.
I've been working in its pursuit for awhile, and I've become jaded.
I didn't plan on ending my quest for it anytime soon
And I planned on pursuing it on a higher plane
But my lack of belief is preventing me from moving forward.
So it feels like I should just let the dream go altogether.
But then, I'm not a quitter.
I'm tough and I'm focused and
I survive and I persevere and
Point blank, I'm stubborn.
And so while letting it go
Goes against who I am,
Not being myself
Feels remarkably preferable.
But who am I to abort my mission?
Who am I discard my dream?
My mission - my dream -
given to me long ago.
A gift - a blessing -
What and why I kept on going.
And now that I'm in the thick of things -
In the midst of the hardest time so far -
With harder times to come -
When I need to believe the vision of the dream the most
I find that I just don't.
And I don't understand why my mission was given to me.
And my dream is sickened by present reality,
Maybe hoping for a renewal in vitality.
It once looked so vibrant and full of life.
But now it appears dimly, wheezing
Telling the same story of the future -
But merely echoing its former voice.
Nothing I do to strengthen it seems to help.
Why should I keep such a sickly thing?
Shouldn't a dream inspire energy?
This dream saps my resolve - it drains me.
And the vision of the dream as a reality
Is remarkably unbelievable.

© 2008 Patricia B.