Low, like I wanted to be under-the-ground kind of low.
The kind of low that brought tears to my eyes because I didn't quite know
how I got to where I am, and how I could take another step forward.
In my tears, I scolded myself for even feeling the way I felt -
me, with so much to be thankful for, who has received so much -
what really good reason could I have to cry?
But there I was, crying and crying and asking God why?
Why was I put here? Why am I doing what I'm doing?
Why can't certain things about me just be different?
Why can't I just have what I want?
I kept hearing the answer in my head,
But the words did not console -
The answer - that nothing I've done has been done alone
And that nothing in my life is truly in my control
But is by His will, and set in His plan
And that all I needed to do was put my trust in Him -
no, none of that helped me feel better.
So I cried and questioned and challenged that answer
and decided to open His book - something I don't do enough
And see, if He really is going to speak to me
Why not through His word?
So I tested it to see what would happen -
I opened my Bible at random, and honestly expected
to open to a passage completely unrelated
but instead, I opened to Psalms 23.
So I write all this to testify to whoever comes across this:
That He is real, He is listening to you
And that truly you can depend on Him
because He will always be there for you
Just as Psalms 23 reminded me.
(And now, I'm definitely not feeling low!!!)
© 2007 Patricia B.
A couple of things:
1. This seriously happened to me within the last 15 - 20 minutes.
2. This piece wasn't intended to be a "piece" - I started writing it as a regular ol' post in my regular blog - but then it started flowing out of me all creative sounding and so I figured I'd include it here.
3. In case you aren't familiar with the significance of Psalms 23 - it is THE PSALM out of the book of Psalms that is most often used as a passage to comfort others in times of trouble, of need, of despair. A good deal of the psalms discuss faith in God and what it means to lean on Him (Psalms 27 is another good one - which I ended up reading afterwards) but this Psalm is significant not only for its actual meaning, but its significance in the way its used throughout Christianity. Long story short - of all the psalms I needed to read earlier tonight - Psalm 23 is pretty much at the top of the list.
God is Good!
I need to go to church more.